Bad mental health day!
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| Tue, 10-12-2004 - 7:21pm |
Here's what really sucks - I was fairly happy with H until I met OM (who was/is single). When we met, it was just this automatic connection. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't help myself. He was like no one I had ever met before. Funny - he told me how he was with women before anything happened with us - typical player, take em or leave em, just in it for sex. But then with me he was different. He was tender and caring. He said he had never been in love before and had never imagined his life with one person before...until he met me. Anyway, he broke things off 2 months ago, for various reasons and seems to be doing just fine without me. Meanwhile, I'm still a complete wreck! Weekends are especially tough - thinking he's out at the bar...wondering if he's found someone else...even if it's just for the night. I know I shouldn't care. I know I should just let it go and concentrate on the wonderful man I have at home...so why is it so hard to do??
I honestly believe he loved me - and I him. So then why can he just pick up and move on, while I still cry whenever I hear a song that reminds me of him?? How can he suddenly think that after the intensity of what we had, we can just be bed buddies?? Can he really just turn his emotions off like a light switch? He's like Dr. Jekyle & Mr. Hyde - I feel like I don't even know him anymore. And what the hell is wrong with me?? Why do I want a man who treats me this way?? Help!

Do you really want to be wanted just for sex? You are better than that. We all fell into that trap. I thought I was in love, like so many people here. My exMM told me he was in love with me. Well, in the end, it was all bunk. I don't know why he made me feel so great -- the rush, the excitement, the great physical and mental connection -- and I can't deny they were "real" at the time. But the fact is, they were wrong, and probably just an illusion of my own making.
As someone just said, if you have a void in your life, only you can fill it. This guy can't.
I almost lost a wonderful H because of a fantasy I created for myself. If you treasure your relationship, end the A now, and get started on your healing. It hurts like HELL, but I can tell you from recent experience that it does get better.
Take care.
You never knew this man all you ever knew about him was his GAME, he refined this game on other women that believe the B/S to he did not turn off his emotions because they were not real, I know this idea has to hurt but you need to start addressing reality, you are somewere on his booty call list along with a bunch of other single and married women he has screwed over for his pleasure with zero regard to what it would do to them.
The connection was not real, it may have seemed real to you but it was a one way deal.
You keep saying you could not help yourself, if that is true then you should consider getting IC to help find out way you cannot control yourself.
Was it that you could not help yourself or that you chose and continue to choose not to stop this thing by giving your self permission to cheat on your husband saying I cannot help myself.
Sorry to sound harsh but the road to freedom from this mess starts at being honest with yourself about yourself, knowledge is power.
JMHO
Free
i thought it was very good and moral of you to care and be happy that your xMM's W and kids were not hurt by the A. Your story really inspired me especially about how the A made you lose your strength. I have lost so much strength and I want it back. I liked what you said about being a grownup means you don't always get what you want. You are doing really good and trying to be a good person. Thats what I told my XMM as to why I wanted NC that I wanted to be a good person.