Like a Bad Penny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Like a Bad Penny
46
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 1:09pm

He keeps turning up.

I was still asleep. My phone rang. Ive put in so many resumes and applications and jam has been the LAST thing on my mind for so long..."private number" meant ...Oh this must be a job!

The GULL = I didnt recognize his voice. He started with....I wanted to tell you on New Years Eve, I left my wife. I packed a bag. I came and sat at your place till 8 in the morning....you never showed up ...now, though she's taken me back and everything's fine. were gna work on our marriage - and Oh...Ive got to take my mom to the morturary today.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:55pm

Frankly Vanessa,

I told his wife in June so yes, she knows. :(

Not that, that mattered whatsoever. It just gave him "less time" to mess around w/ me.

You are CORRECT! It was VERY narcissistic and selfish of him to reach out to me. To me it's really as simple as..."if Im WITH MY WIFE...I dont have anything to do with Michelle. If I Want to be with Michelle, I "Tell my wife I want to leave."

For me anyway. Because I dont want everything with no consequence. Im not a cake-eater.

I appreciate you taking the time to comfort me Vanessa, <3 to you.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 12:20am
Hi Michelle,

Absolutely!!!!

If he truly wants to be with you, he would be at your doorstep with divorce papers not his overnight bag.

Yes i was aware that his wife found out, but would she not care if she found out that he still perseveres? My EMM, would not leave me alone, all his attempts would affect me, i was too raw not to be.

Although he had a dday, he kept calling, texting, stalking etc. it wasn't until i threw that out to him that it kept him at bay. i think if his W found out about his attempts she would leave him without hesitation.

(((hugs to you again))))
V888
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 11:13pm

Just wanted to stop back in and let everybody know...I got my bearings and balance today. Was still a little "off" in my thinking - but by day's end...Im seeing my lessons a little more clearly.

Hope everyone had a nice Thursday,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 2:09am

Awww Micelle!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 9:22am

Sorry to be late chiming in but I wanted to see where this would go. Honestly, I just gleaned the posts - probably looking for the two or three reactions I anticipated seeing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 12:14pm

first, and then Im going to go back and READ THE REST OF Melinda and Dee's post...

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 12:46pm

OMG MELINDA!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

i get it!!!

i REALLY GET IT!

Yesterday...I spent "collecting myself" again. You know...regaining my bearings.

THINKING ABOUT ME...

exposing jam's "words" to the light of day.....and you know what???

seeing that ....he makes a phone call on what was it Wednesday? but THURSDAY...the day after...NO actions. NO phone call. No showing up with bags. No apology. No responsibility taken for a LICK of it.

JUST HARM TO ME.

and I believe you Melinda. I dont know about all of the jams we got involved with...but SOME...which includes YOURS, MINE, LUVINs, TU's - those in particular that I know of are EGO EGO EGO driven and

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 1:05pm

Dee,

WELCOME BACK!!!!

Thanks for dragging yourself to the keyboard to draft a reply that is always so in Dee Style, right on!

Here I was...ranting away about the Him VS Me and you call out, that at this point...it shouldnt be a him at all.

I TOTALLY AGREE. I think though, that my approach out of the gate has been so much ME ME ME ...truly...and even in RL. Im not pretending on the board that Im all ME ME ME...but then sitting at home fantasizing or allowing myself to think of him...

So I think because I've focused SO MUCH ON ME...I didnt really spend any time, letting myself realize enough about Him..because I just didnt want to think about him at all. In hind sight, I think blocking my thoughts of him completely didnt allow me to destroy the "fantasy image" i had of him as being..."just a loving but CONFUSED well..DAd". UGH. Those are HIS thoughts about himself. NOT MINE. In thinking for myself - I have to be able to UNDERSTAND..how these people think and work...without just labeling ME (GOOD) and HIM (BAD). Which I know..is probably some codependent defense mechanism.

I just want enough information to HAVE MY HEAD STRAIGHT about these damn selfish fishing, ego stroke attempts. and NOT allow it to work on the pieces of me that are still foggily romanticizing or hoping.

And YOU ARE RIGHT! This shows me...how far I still have to go. Sure does!

And YOU AND IDDY ARE RIGHT! SLAMMING DOWN THE PHONE. SHUTTING IT DOWN. NOT ANSWERING PRIVATE CALLS. That's ONE MORE THING I can do...to ensure that his words WONT AFFECT ME. And

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 1:53pm

Hi Michelle!

I gotta say that the MUCH of the follwing worries me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 5:30pm

k, Yes. Melinda,

I understand.

I blurted out my fears here, because I want to dispel them.

I think them, I wanted to get them out of my head and off my chest.

Ill figure out what

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010