Badly need some words of encoragement :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Badly need some words of encoragement :(
17
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 12:15pm
So me and XAP are sort of back in an EA after a year apart :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:07am

(((Gal))


<>>


Praying really helped me, gal. Never underestimate its power.


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:49am

hi Gal,


Get your battle plans together!! ha.


Reading through the other posts to you I was nodding and thinking, yes, that's exactly what Gal has to do. Time to make it work for good. Gal, you know how you felt yesterday? Don't go back to that again. Avoid it by putting up an iron wall. Don't let your emotions out and don't let his in. Don't fall for the we can be friends thing either. It won't work, ever. I went through months of thinking I had to be nice to xAP, only to later realize like you did, that I was stroking his ego with every "nice, friendly" email. When those emails took a sexual turn, it enraged me. I felt like pond scum. I was his go-to for the validation he was seeking. Gal, resolve you won't be that for your xAP. Reach down deep and be determined to be who you want to be. Regaining your selfrespect and dignity is incredibly empowering. Grit your teeth and get tough!! hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:55am

thanks iddy :)


I just have to keep reminding myself too that "feel bads" out weight the "feel goods" by far. Whilst his compliments, statements of wanting me, the attention he pays me feels great at the time its nothing to what Im going to feel when i have this SOB out of my mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 12:13pm

thats exactly how i felt...like pond scum! you got it in 1....and ive only myself to blame.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 12:40pm

Gal, you are seeing exactly what is going on - good for you. What you have been describing is very similar to what I finally figured out. Only it took a long time for me to say enough is enough. The ego fest sickened me.


With every contact with him, expect a reaction from him. I can bet you it will be a response that he designed to boost his own ego or a response in hopes you will boost his ego by paying attention to him. Regarding the so-called dirty talk, I found that when that happened between xAP and myself (after we declared ourselves just friends), xAP would pull back and I would too. We both got our fix from each other, we both got that validation of "oh, you still want me" and then I would go back to being his soul mate best friend 1000 miles away. Only I would feel really icky and dirty for falling for his cheap talk. I'm guessing he didn't feel the same way, he just got his ego stroked big time.


You have to make every attempt to avoid him. Don't allow yourself to be nice because you think you have to be. You don't. Don't initiate conversation. If he asks you questions, be vague, answer "don't know". Stay with it and in time, he will leave get the message. He should not be privy to your plans outside of the office, basically, it is none of his business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 3:26pm

"... but I have to figure out

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 7:52pm

Gal- so glad to hear that you are doing better today! You sound clear headed and strong, and I love it!

In your post, you said that you think he loves the idea that you are in love with him and that you take things more to heart..... That is me!!! I finally realized that xap has NO feelings for me- it was all lust and an ego boost. He wants attention from me to boost his ego. He likes knowing that he got to me.

I'm on day 15 NC/LC and every single day I am taking a little bit of my dignity and pride back. Every day that I am silent is a day I leave him wondering and a day that I don't boost his stupid little ego.

I am so proud of you for getting through yesterday. Keep going. I'm thinking of you!
Hazel

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