Be careful what you wish for...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Be careful what you wish for...
23
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 5:14am

He sent me a text. A very simple one saying "How are you? I've been worried about you."

Okay, for starters...this is what I have wanted for the last 39 days. To know that he was thinking about me. That I wasn't completely forgotten. But now...now I am torn. I shouldn't respond. I won't respond. I have control over that. Its seem to be the only thing I have control over these days. But now I am hurting because I am hurting him, if that makes any sense. I don't want to leave him hanging. And I want so badly to know how he is doing. There were no goodbyes for us. The last thing he said to me was "I'll talk to you tonight". I came home, saw the look on my husbands face and knew that he knew everything. My husband called his wife and that was that. It was done.

My heart breaks for this man that I cared so deeply about. Because I know that he is going to be feeling the same way I have been feeling for the last month. He is going to think that I didn't care. That I don't care enough about him to wonder how he is doing, when the truth is I care way too much. I can't do that to my husband though. I owe him more then that. He has been so good to me and I don't ever want to see that look of complete and utter hurt on his face again. I got what I wanted, only to find out it isn't really what I wanted. Somebody please tell me that I am making the right decision. That I definitely shouldn't contact him. I have been going over and over this in my head for the last 15 hours. I even made a list of pros and cons. The cons definitely outweigh the pros, but I am still fighting myself over this. I feel like I just took 5 huge steps back. Yet, I didn't even do anything. I can't sleep. Its 2am here and I have to get up in 4 hours...I need sleep.

Oh, one more thing. I promised my husband that if he ever tried to contact me that I would tell him immediately. I didn't. I don't see the point. I am not going to respond. My cell phone carrier does not keep a list of the text messages sent or received so there is no way for him to find out. If I told him he would call xAPs wife. What is the sense in that? I told a friend about this and she said I should tell my husband because there should be no secrets between us. I don't see the point in hurting xAP anymore. I think I should just delete it and let it be done. Any opinions?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 6:51am

whoi,


What a lovely story. I am so glad you chose to tell your husband the truth. He demonstrated to you how much that really meant to him. He obviously loves you very much and is wiling to fight for his W and his M. Be prepared: He's

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 1:08pm

WIWTB,


I am in the same ball park as Enery. <-----Hi girl, nice to see you posting.


Accountability lies solely with you and the poor choices you have made. It's understandable that you will still think of XMM as it's only been a few weeks since D-Day, and you have just begun your healing from a very toxic and dysfunctional realtionship; one that has

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 6:38am

Thanks ladies. You are right. I have to face what I did and stop being selfish. Something one of my friends said to me really hit home. She told me to take the pain that I am feeling and multiply it by 10 and that is how much pain my husband is in. She is right. I knew this guy for 11 months. We have been married for 9 years. I took all of his comfort and security and pulled it right out from under him. Now its time to stop thinking about myself and try to help him cope with his pain.

He isn't the kind of guy that would ever snoop. He won't check my e-mail and such. He told me that the only way he is ever going to trust me again is to give me the chance to prove that I am trustworthy. Now I have to prove to him and myself that I am. He also told me that if xAP tried to contact me again he was going to take me to his house and say "Here she is, what did you have to say?". And then he would be like "Why did you want to tell her, Ouch my head!?" LOL. He is so funny.

Pages