Been 2 Weeks - Doing OK

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Been 2 Weeks - Doing OK
1
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 2:29am
It's been more than 2 weeks since I sat him down and told him I wouldn't be making any arrangements or asking him to spend time with me anymore, which in effect was ending the affair. I didn't really want to let go, but anyone who's read my past posts knows this has been emotional torture for me, and I needed to stop to save myself from spiraling downward in a storm of frustration, bitterness and disappointment, mostly over him not having 5 minutes to spend time alone with me over the past 6 months. Long story, it's been told in other posts, but I don't hate him, am still very fond of him. In fact maybe I'm a bit more fond of him now that I don't expect anything out of him because he's not a disappointment anymore.

I think I'm doing much better, all in all, even if I'm a bit melancholy. A few times I've caught myself starting to tear up over the idea of everything that's happened to me over the past year, remembering some of the moments that still make me ache - and not just with sexual desire. Sometimes my fantasies about him (which I admit I still have) are just being able to sit side by side next to the river and hold hands. Or take a nap together. Last week I had a really bad day and I thought how nice it would be to have a hug from him.

I might sound like I'm not being very strong, but given the fact that I didn't REALLY want to end it, and did anyway, and have kept my promise to myself not to make myself available to him, have kept myself pretty busy and cheery, I think I'm doing ok. Go ahead, pat me on the back (or kick me in the ass if you think I'm an idiot for still fantasizing about him, but hey....I gotta have some fun, and if I'm not gonna have it with him, at least let me have it in my own head, all by myself!)

I just want to say thanks to everyone for helping me through the roughest spots, and to those who are looking for help - this place has some serious butt kickers who are ready to help kick your butt right back on track.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 9:13am

Congratulations, Limbo!!!


It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. STAY STRONG and keep taking steps to reclaim your life. We're here for you!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby