been 2 weeks now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
been 2 weeks now
12
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 11:15pm

hi all,

its been 2 weeks now since OW ended our R, tried NC but unable to do it 100% since i see her at work, no calls or text but she sent me an email last nite, i was doing well considering and that email threw me off course again

i find that this board is like an outlet for me, i been posting here so much just to keep my sanity, thanks all

just need to move on, im having a hard time but ill survive, ahhhh , im going nuts, u gals already said it all , just the opposite, your MM sounds like my OW and i am having the same experience and feeling just like u all

im going crazy girls !!!!, this feeling we are all having is unbearable right now

max

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 11:20pm
Hey Max,
At least you have 2 weeks under your belt now. Hang in there. It will get easier. I read on this board that it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. So you are almost there.
What did she email you for anyway? What did she want?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 11:49pm

hi sad,

well the email said that she felt bad coz im sad, she also said she is sorry if she lead me on that she will actually leave her ex and be with me and that she actually thought of leaving her situation but she has to stay for her daughter

she said she cannot follow her heart and she has to follow her mind, she wished me well and she asked me to move on and find someone else

i was actually hoping she would not send me an email, she actually said that she still thinks of me all the time and that she said it if it makes me feel better

so now im a mess, i was doing better but i think of it as a bump

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 12:24pm

Hi Max,

It sounds like your doing a little better, You know you can block her e-mails. Dont let her set you back, try not to follow your heart at this point, follow your mind, do right by yourself, it takes baby steps, as you mentioned in an earlier post one day at a time.

Hope your doing good today :)

Take Care
Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:27am

Hi Maxell,
I have been reading your post for awhile now and it sounds like you are making great progress. I really feel for you in the situation you are in. It is hard to work w/ someone you had an A with. One of the reasons my A lasted longer than it needed to was that we worked together also and I was afraid that it would be too unbearable to see him every day if we ended it. I don't know if you realize it but I think you have really helped alot of the women posters on here and also others that sometimes tend to think that their OM/MM do not care for them or have the ability to have deep feelings for them. Women sometimes tend to group men into a differnet class emotionwise than ourselves because so many men just don't share their feelings.
You will get over her with time and you will find a REAL relationship with a woman who will be honest to you and treat you with the respect and love you so greatly deserve.

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk." Dalai Lama

Have a happy Wednsday!
~nuttmeg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:49am

hi nuttmeg,

how did u deal with ending your A , u mentioned u worked with your OM/MM, i just want to know how to deal with it

she called me last nite, she seldom call me, but i was not able to talk to her, we have no contact for about 10 days other than seeing each other at work but in the last 4 days there has been an email and a call from her

she has hurt me more by doing this, but i am so weal to tell her not to anymore, its unbearable, i am thinking of leaving the company and looking for another job, she also have mentioned that she is trying to look for another job and would leave too

she is giving me mixed signals i think, im not sure but im so confused

thanks for listening,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:50pm
Hey there, Max! I know when I first ended my A the XMM continued to send e-mails, text messages, and gifts. I think I got more gifts from him during the first week of our break-up than I did during the entire two year A!!! Anyway, her actions are manipulative and selfish, you know. If she really cared about you, you wouldn't be sending out these mixed signals. She'd respect your need to move on. Ok, so she's checked in on you to make sure you're ok. There's no further need for her to bother you. Just my humble opinion, Max, don't let her jerk you around. You're doing great. She can't contact you and confuse you and send you mixed signals if you don't let her. Hang in there! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:06pm
Hiya Max,
Me and my xOM (he is single I am married) worked together for over a year. He got fired and then I quit shortly after. Our A dragged on for about 3 months after we both stopped working together. I say "dragged" on because the excitement/romance whatever you want to call it was over way before that. The fact that we worked together was probably the only glue holding our little fling together. I was too scared of what he might do or say to me to break it off earlier and he basically just kept it up to insure that he would be getting sex at least once a week! (sad but true) Everyone's situation here is different. I know that you are feeling intensely hurt and used, and that is normal. I don't know how it would have all played out had we continued to work together. I don't think I could have dealt with seeing him everyday with all the feelings I have now about the situation. If you feel that finding a new job is a good idea then maybe that is what you have to do. A new, fresh start is sometimes a good thing. I am contemplating changing careers altogether because everyone I used to work with knows about the A, and since the world is smaller than most people tend to realize I am constantly being reminded of what happened and running into people that KNOW!
I promise you that it will get better. It takes awhile to heal from any loss. You have to really get used to the notion that no matter how much you want to say to her and be with her it is over. People are truly funny, we want to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. We are in constant search and need of answers. We tend to want to sit and stir over our questions and our need for the truth. I finally came to realize that some things just ARE the way they are. Nothing I can do or say or worry about to no end will ever change the way things ARE. Everything I have done has happened for a reason. I might not know what the ultimate lesson is yet, but there was a reason. Maybe your brief romance was a lesson for you to learn how to do something differently in your next relationship. I know this doesn't help you in your present state of mind, but after awhile I hope it makes a little sense. This theory really started to help me get past the worst times.
I wish you all the best, and if you would like to talk some more I am here or you can email me.
Hugs to you.
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:26am

hi nuttmeg,

thanks for your wisdom, i been contemplating of looking for another job, its hard to find another job right now but im trying

u are right, everything happened for a reason, OW has her own reasons, i cant change it, all i can do accept it and move on, its so hard for me to do so right now, its like i know what to do and my mind knows it but something keeps me from doing it, i dont know why

i been reading some of the post of the women in this board and i actually see OW in their MM or OM , the actions of their MM/OM are actually the same as what my OW does to me, its like a role reversal, i can see myself as some of the women in this board experience wish with their affair, i wrote a lost of poems and letters for OW and wrote it on a journal also but i never gave it to her, i am single so i have no one to fall back too, OW has her child and the father of her child and family for support, i have none

anyways, it just comes with the territory, i just have to deal with this, for some reason NC is not working for me and OW, she has been actually taking to me, calling me and sending me emails, i actually get pulled back by her actions again

she called me and told me she misses me, she sent me and email sying she is sorry and she feels bad that i am sad and that she wants me to get a gf and maybe ill get better, she then told me if i have a gf then she will see me again, this i dont know what she meant

i feel so sad and alone again, i feel so positive and then at nite it all comes back to me again

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:57am

Max.... may I please tell you something that will definitely be tough love!?!?!

Those of us that have left the hourly and daily visits of this board will agree with me... the longer you commiserate about the OW, the longer it will take for YOU to put the affair and HER behind you!

OKAY, time to analyze: You were kicked in the teeth... we all were. You had your heart ripped out... we all have.

Sure, it hurts like heck....but, life does go on....

Relationships end (and start) on a daily basis... our job is to learn, let go and move forward!

NOW, you have a choice... life will either go on with you or without you....you know, there is a difference between existing and living!

I hope you start living....SOON! Take a couple days away from the board, from the OW obsession and start living YOUR life! Commiserating only keeps you in the same spot... start living and in 3 days, you'll realize that you CAN stand on your own 2 feet. In another 3 days, you'll realize that there IS a whole world out here!

Please know this is intended with concern and best wishes for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 1:30am

yes, i am obssess with OW, i think of her all the time, i am using this board as an outlet if i want to contact her i just write here

i dont know what else to do, i see her at work from afar, i dont talk to her anymore, but she comes and say hi to me, she sent me an email asking me how i was

thanks,

max

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