been on backburner for more than a month

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
been on backburner for more than a month
4
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:22am
I need advice from somewhere! I can't keep going on like this! I have been in A for a year now. MM and I where best friends for a year before that! I am D and he is M. his wife is leaving him and he has put me on hold! I feel he is not suffering by any of this and I am suffering from all of it! I loaned him a big amount of money 8 months ago and he is going belly up with loss of job and forecloser on house. Other bad things have happened to him as well. I have been there for him. He just thinks he can have NC with me and everything between us will dissapear. He told me when I broke and called him 14 days ago that he wished we would of stayed friends. that we could be just friends for now until he gets all this financial stuff taken care of. I told him I couldn't just be his friend. He was silent .He didn't know what to say for a minute. He told me he was going to know the first week of may if they were going to approve his morgage and then he would be paying me back what he had borrowed from me. Well, I haven't heard anything and it is friday! I feel completely bulldozed over! I had told him by the end of our conversation that I guessed I could let him go if that is what he needed. I told him I loved him and wanted him to be ok.. When I told him that he said it wasn't good-bye. Just on hold! If he doesn't get ahold of me by monday I think I will write a letter . The letter that will explain everything! Should I ? I love him! Don't want to hurt him! But seems like He has lost what we meant to eachother besides his other stuff ! I can't suffer all this alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:36am
Hi Trouble, I really feel for you. I think you should write that letter. He has a financial obligation to you, even if he's renegging on the emotional one right now. He made promises to you, he should be kept to them at the very least, the paying you back of money you loaned him.

It makes you really think, when they can so easily put you on the 'back burner', what is their real feelings? If they really cared, why wouldn't they keep you in the loop and let you know what the heck's going on? I know the NC is really hard, I'm still going through that too, been just over 3 weeks now. And now he says to you he wishes you could have just been friends? Well its too late for that now, there's no going back. And I thought he wanted to be with you after this separation thing was done? So why is he trying to back pedal now?

There is no simple solution. Other than trying to keep yourself sane and not go crazy over the whole thing. And I really hope he does the right thing and pays you back.

Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:02pm
you are right! I have never pushed the money issue. I always trusted him to pay me back. But then I trusted that he would never just quit calling or coming over either. I have such mixed emotions. He has time to go with his mail friends but can not even call me from a pay phone. He says he has to do it this way or he will never make it through the divorce. He thinks he is stressing! what about me? I never thought of him as selfish! He never was before! But these hardships have deffinately changed his personality. I want the man back I fell in love with. The letter will go out Monday! I could tear apart his whole life if I was mean. He should realise this! I know more about him than anyone does. That is one of the reasons I know he is not thinking to clear. Or maybe he just trusts me with his life !
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 5:20pm
You poor thing. Life is so unjust. I'm sure you did nothing wrong. The sun'll come up tomorrow. Try to keep smiling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 7:17am
trouble,

I am in the same boat. My XOM will not admit to anything he as done wrong so far. He has done plenty damage to me and my ego. I spent my entire nest egg trying to defrnd myself in court. All of it gone, just like my dreams.... Take it from me, don't ever go back to him. He is using you as a means to help himself from lonliness when he leaves or separates. I doubt he will ever love him the way you do - I know that from my XOM. Better to cut it off than write a letter if you ask me. If I do that, all I get is denial and more denial. I don't knowabout you. I am sick of crap. For once in mylife I am going to make a change and walk away. I hope you do the same.


GF