Been a while
Find a Conversation
Been a while
| Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:30pm |
I posted here back in April and finally had the courage to tell MM no more contact. We had been involved for almost two years now. He had moved back with his W when he lost his job (they live in another state, he was living in my state for work). I don't know how strong I can be with this. I only told him yesterday about no more contact and have been reading posts from those who have been doing this for some time and I must say that your strength is so commendable. I am fighting the urge to send some little "how are you doing" note and decided to post here instead. I still wonder what got me involved in this situation to begin with? I am not a weak person and never imagined that I would be involved with someone who was married. Got all the lines too.... financial reasons, loveless marriage, more like friends than husband and wife, etc., etc., etc. I have called myself more names than I ever thought I could think of and it has to stop. I need to find the strength to stick with this. Funny thing is, I am single and have been seeing a single man for a year of this whole mess. I have kept the single man at arm's length for fear of getting too involved with him, thus, losing the MM and he has been a saint in his patience with me. Does that make sense???? Also got tired of the guilt trips the MM was laying on me. How heartless I am, how I strung him along, etc.
I know I am rambling, but I am resisting sending him a note. Thank you for your patience in reading this and any words of encouragement would be most appreciated.
So tired of it all.....

Pages
You made a decision and that alone was a big step. Be proud of yourself. NC is no picnic...I have tried it so many times before this past one. Not sending the note or making the harmless phone call is so difficult...sometimes impossible. Please try. It does get easier, I promise. I was so addicted to OM and how he made me feel...I swore that i loved him more then Ihave ever loved anyone....if I could get through three weeks of NC then you can too..anyone can.
hugs
Jazzdiva
One day almost down.... going for two....
Thank you for your support!
Hi there...
I'm a little perplexed by the comments from xMM:
Strung him along? How heartless you are?
Towards whom, the MM or the single guy. If directed to you about MM, Puh-lease....he went back to his wife after working in your state. Job ended, he went. If directed to you about single guy, eh, not really strung or heartless, either. I think it was more about keeping your options open to see if MM had the wherewithal to do the right thing by both women (W and U) and end the split life while you, being single, chose to continue to date single men. Your thoughts and concerns about getting too close in a relationship are something, IMO, that are best worked through as you are doing, through dating and learning about yourself in context with single dates. That you choose to keep men at arm's length (and therefore choose a MM rather than single man for primary relationship) is another issue of concern for you in the near future.
My final 2 cents is to say to you to post here on the board and "babble" as you put it to your hearts' content rather than breaking your NC commitment. The urge to email begins to pass as you heal and regain
I truly appreciate the male perspective on this. I hope I am not too confusing in what I say, but my mind is racing a mile a minute here and I am typing as I think. I feel empowered by having a group that I can turn to for support. My next step is to put a block on my email and messenger, but I have not had the strength to do that yet.
I was afraid to continue posting earlier, but I have made it through the day with NC. In fact, I had a hang up phone call a few minutes ago. He tends to do that for whatever the reasons, but if he calls and tries to talk, I will cut off the conversation fast. I don't want to have to change my phone numbers.
Thank you for the opportunity to come here and vent while the feeling of wanting to reach him passes.
I think your MM, now x-MM is a controlling fence sitting cake-eater who is jealous of your single status and is trying to bully you into being available only to him.
Well, if that's what he wants, then I say PAY for it. Pay all the expenses and insurance and out of pocket costs that go with being available to someone on an as-needed where-needed basis.. Otherwise, SHUT UP MM. You DON'T own her, you're her abuser......
RUN, do not walk, AWAY from this LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have given him all the rope he has needed to hang himself on his own lies and insecurities.
ANd no, I won't tone down my assessment of him.
I did it too. Only difference was I made it clear I wasn't leaving my marriage anytime soon. At least that's what I did for the first 14 years of affairs. The last affair with x-OW did cover all the reasons why I "couldn't leave now" baloney. Well, fast forward a few more years...I DID leave my 1st marriage. Without ANY guarantees from x-OW because she had already "left the building".
Thank you so much for being straight with me. It has given me strength to at least get through until tomorrow...
Stay tuned... I will do my best to make sure this stays ended.
Jazzdiva
Good luck
Cali~
Nothing keeps a man away from the woman he loves ...
Pages