at the beginning of my ending

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
at the beginning of my ending
26
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 4:54am

Hello

I am at the end, can i share my journey? sorry its such a long post i need to get it out.

The Start

I was newly divorced putting my life together, MM contacts me out of blue, 20yrs ago we had holiday romance, i forgot about him, he never did, had been looking for me all this time, he found me on a social network but did nothing as i said i was happily married, when he saw i was then divorced he contacted me to tell me he had always loved me, always thought about me, and wanted to say the words he never did 20yrs ago. He is married, depressed, unfulfilled, jobless and health issues. His 18yr marrige was solid but mundane with a lack of closeness both sexually and emotionally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 4:48pm

thank you Luvin for your explanation, it all makes horrible sense :( i am not an insensitive and uncaring person and fully understand i made a selfish choice XMM and i both did.. It just didnt feel like a choice at the time, it felt like fate. I do feel a huge amount of guilt to have hurt an innocent party so very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 5:44pm
Sadly we all feel like it was fate or that we were different, until I found this board I thought all kinds of things and I was truely shocked to find all these people who have been or were just the same, it was sad and comforting at the same time to realize "we weren't unique" after all. Its a rough road for anyone to begin this process take extra care of yourself right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 8:11pm

SS It's really great that you are still here cause it shows you can do this!

Yes, Luvins' words were what we call 'tough love', but she's right in trying to cut through your denial.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2011
Sun, 03-13-2011 - 4:53am

Hello. thank you for all the support and wise words.

I have been reading in the Healing Library. (sighs)

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 03-13-2011 - 12:18pm

Everything you hang on to, is like a cancer.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 03-14-2011 - 2:37am

Hi Spiffy

(Great name btw)

Welcome and big hugs for starting on this journey. I think you will go through a rough time but i also KNOW that if you do- you will find yourself again.

You have been given a lot of great advice here. You MUST listen to it. Your A has been toxic and extremely unstable. We have all done terrible things- but your exAP sending you pics of the next victim, and calling your work, and you calling his wife... are all signs of some very disturbing patterns.

I wont add anything to whats been said. Just that you CAAN do this but you MUST do it for you!!!! Do not walk forward thinking you are doing it because the two of you have no future, you MUST do this because you dont WANT a future with him.

The different in mindset (albeit slight) will make a huge difference.

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do

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