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|Thu, 09-20-2012 - 8:27am|
Yesterday I did something really really stupid. I took all his cards out to shred them, believing that I was done. I stupidly sat and read every one of them and instead of shredding them I tied them up in a fging ribbon and put them back in the box. And now I hurt so much. Im back to crying and white knuckling my way through NC. I thought I had this and all I have done is open myself up to more hurt and pain. Those cards have sat there for 4 months and I wasn't once inclined to read them, I really thought I was going to shred them, and I can't understand why I didn't. All that I do understand is that they are there and next time I go to take another step forward out of this hole, they will be sitting waiting to pull me back. How punitive can one ego be!! I am so angry with myself, I know better than this.
So the reason for my post is to hold myself accountable on here. I have to get rid of them. In my head I have given myself 1 week from today to get rid of all of them. I am so very tired of living this way, I want my life back, I want me back. So I am publicly pledging to get rid of that painful explosive sitting in a box in my office.
Sunny Soon Xx