Being An Afterthought

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Being An Afterthought
15
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:33am
As things become clearer to me--and yes, I think my XMM is a "head case" and has some serious issues, it hurts to know that this A that shook my world is a mere afterthought for him.

I will get over it! I will snap my rubberband on my wrist when i obsess about him; i will say my mantras and prayers. But most of all, i will say to myself: Loving me and being with me is a priveledge and one that XMM no longer deserves.

The hardest times are when the phones go silent--he used to call me mulitple times a day on my three telephones; and when the email is nothing but SPAM! But little by little, those hours of the day, when i used to hear from him, are merely becoming hours in the day now that pass uneventfully. One of these days, i won't look at the clock at 6 p.m. and know he is going to call on his way home from work. It's a process!

I am strong right now. I will be weak again today. (I was weak yetterday and emailed him information on an NCAA Tournament Pool I am organizing--of course, he didn't respond). But I will try again tomorrow. I will come here instead of wanting to talk or write him, We will all be ok.

All my love,

Clarice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:53pm
>>>you are worth so much more than a sideline. You deserve to be the center of someones world, not a satelite of theirs.<<<

Wow!!!! What a great point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:47pm
you and i sound a lot alike, shescomeundone. i am doing this for my kids--no i am staying in my marriage for me--i can't bare the thought of not seeing my little boys every day.

I hurt too, but know this is the place--and for you too--that God wants us to be in right now. If you think of it that way, it hurts less, that there is some devine plan out there that has it all figured out and all the answers.

i give up. I don't have answers any more. I have to let go and let someone else take charge of this thing. It hurts too much.

xoxox

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:52pm
you are right rutabaga and alfiechoice. we all deserve to be the center of someone's universe not a satellite. I refuse to be someone's afterthought because of their own mixed up feelings. Funny, my XMM hasn't even figured out i've gone away again because he is so caught up in his own universe. Honestly, that is why i loved him so much: he needed me for everything. I was always about 10 steps ahead of him and would often clear the way ahead for him on business issues, relationship issues, everything. He needed me for everything and my H needs me for nothing. That's why it all started.

LOL.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:07pm
You and I are alot alike. You need to be needed. But then one day.... you realize you are the only one there for YOU. The men in your life can count on you for anything, but when the going gets tough... there you are... out in the open field getting rained on waiting for the lightning to strike. What would it be like to have someone fulfill your needs for once? To be there for you when you need them, in the really BAD crappy time when no one else wants to get their hands dirty? You set everything up neatly on the shelf for them so they don't even have to think about it... and the more you do it the less they appreciate it. *groan* and to think that at one point in our lives we decided one man wasn't enough. Enough what? Work?
Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 7:50pm
Our situations are very similar, that is why i remembered you from last summer. Please feel free to email me del0310@yahoo.com

I hate seeing someone else in the same living hell that I am in, but like you say, God wants me here right now. I am here because I choose to be....even though at times it does not feel like it.

Jazzdiva

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