Being drawn back in....

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Being drawn back in....
7
Wed, 09-05-2012 - 12:22pm

Hi. I am new to this board. My story with MM goes back about 5 years. I'm very nervous about posting too many details, and I suppose it's not very different from every other story as a married woman who has found herself in a long-term PA.

MM and I live in a small town and are able to spend lots of time together. We have never had a d-day, although many people know about the affair. I have never been happy as AP and have tried to end it many times, particularly after certain things come out about MM's character that are very painful for me. After these issues come up I am very firm in my resolve to stay away from him. If he were to let me be, I am sure I would go through the very painful stages of grief, and hopefully come out on the other side eventually. The problem is I am weak. MM will be very remorseful and we go through a very intense period of him being the sweetest, most perfect man that is hard to walk away from. He is also, in general, a very good friend (and lover) to me and I would miss that terribly. 

I guess I don't really have a question. I'm just feeling myself being reeled back in and wondering how it happened....


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 11:09pm
Hey KK - welcome to the Board. Have you found our healing library yet? Is your A over or are you just thinking about it? What would you lose if it was discovered?

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:36pm

Hi Katnisskiss

Yes, you can change your name by re-joining ivillage.  And do yourself a favor, pick something positive.  I say do yourself a favor, simply so you won't have me, Chairwoman of the Change Your Name Committee, or anyone here...and we are all Board Members...on your case if it is not positive...and you'll just find yourself having to do it for a third time...because we are like little bit bulls that don't let go :smileywink:  It's important.

My advice to you *pull the plug" and put it out of its misery.  Be the one to do it, and you don't have to suffer with the rejection factor...and that's a really big hurdle to get over.  And do it before you push the envelope that will open with a discovery day inside.  

As soon as you behave deservingly, you will get what you deserve...good things will come to you. You'll regain your integrity and self respect and some day soon will be thanking your lucky stars every day that you dodged a bullet where your family would be collateral damage.  If you continue to behave underservingly, you will get what you deserve, and it will not be good things.

Be a woman who says what she means and means what she says "I would hate to hurt my husband or his MM's wife'. Then take action to insure that that does not happen.

Do it and get through it...and we are here to help you get through it.  Institute NC with a simple 'it is over..please do not contact me further" and come here and talk it out.  I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to hurt..but it won't last forever.  The hurt of staying is pretty bad right now, right?  It's nothing compared to the hurt that will come down if you lose your family.

Take the leap of faith...we are here to catch  you.  What's the worse that can happen?  Noooo, we won't let you fall splat :smileywink:  I mean what are you thinking that will happen if this man is no longer in your life?  I mean, he was not in your life at one point, and you were just fine, right?

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Re: Being drawn back in....
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 9:03pm
hi bird! Aww, how I have missed your song....hope life has treated you well.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 9:05pm
Welcome.....welcome. I hope you stay here, we would love to have you around. We can help and we would offer so much support...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 9:26pm

Sweety, you'll probably feel empty and sad for a while...it is a loss, and you will go through a grieving process...but I promise you that you will make it through and come out the other side intact.  And you'll find ways to fill yourself up with heathier endeavors and find peace and happiness once again.  It's just going to take some time and distance. All of us here are testament that it CAN BE DONE.  

Let us be your new friends...and we are good for you!  We will always have your best interest at heart...we will always have your back...we will never steer you wrong.

And there's always someone here on the Board...and if not, you can always read through the Healing Library for strength and resolve.  We'll help you get through any urges you'll experience while you detox from all the poison this relationship dumped into your body and soul.

I know you can do it!  

((hugs))

Clarity