Being drawn in...
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Being drawn in...
| Thu, 04-15-2010 - 7:25pm |
I wrote on these boards a week ago about an attraction that has developed between me and another man in my company.
| Thu, 04-15-2010 - 7:25pm |
I wrote on these boards a week ago about an attraction that has developed between me and another man in my company.
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Sassy,
I'm hoping you read our responses to your post last week. You're in a dangerous place. This board is for people who are wanting to end an A. If you are looking to end what you are feeling for this coworker of yours, then we are here to support you. I can't tell if this is your desire, or if you need support for the way you feel about this man. If it is the latter, then you might be posting to the wrong board.
Please let me know what kind of support you need and I will point you in the right direction.
((hugs))
CSN
Sassy,
I lurk for a year before i finally got the nerve to post here in EAS.
Oh honey. To say you are in a dangerous place is a gross understatement. We have ALL been where you are now and we chose to "give in" and look where we are now. Dealing with anguish, loss, rejection, disappointment. Picking up the pieces and desperately trying to rebuild our lives.
The "passion" you feel is what everyone feels at the start of a relationship. It doesn't last, does it? I don't know a single couple in a long term relationship that still feels how they did at first. Love changes and matures. That's life. To go down the path that's in front of you would not result in anything good. The "feel goods" may seem appealing but they ARE NOT WORTH IT. And if you think you can continue the flirting, you can be sure one of you will take it to the next stage, and the next, and the next, coming up with every excuse in the book as to why it's "ok" to do what you're doing or that next time will be the "last" time. I did that for 8 years. 8 YEARS, Sassy. I can't get those years back.
Spare yourself the pain. Enjoy what you have. Flirt with your husband. Life can be over in the blink of an eye. Don't waste another minute on this situation that can only lead to pain and heartache.
I wish you strength and peace.
Gal
Sassy, what a catchy name!
Oh affairs…let me tell you how amazing they are!
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I know what a feeling huh? Yep it is also known as lust. Not to be confused with love.
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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
what an amazing post. It is probably one of the most eye opening on the mark posts i have ever read on this site. EI you are spot on here. I have experienced everything you have spoke about.
Sassy please ignore these feelings and try look into why you are letting these thoughts take over your mind. You dont know this guy so you could not possibly love him, care about him, like him etc etc. Your brain is just on overdrive thinking of the fantasy that you are creating. It is not real it couldn't be. So what if hes attracted to you or your attracted to him. You are both human and these things happen. Im sure thousands of married men and women around the world experience attraction to people other than their spouses. But I bet most of them dont act on this attraction.
Please find out whats wrong in your own life
Good-morning.
Day 3 NC - having to fight like a 'mother beep'!
But I can honestly say E1 that post - wow - right on. Exactly. You described the process to a "T". I wish I would have found this site when you are Sassy, and that I would have shown the insight and courage to post to the board - and then to take all the free gifts of love and support you are getting to propel me to get the heck out of the situation before ... You can't pretend now you don't know what would happen to you. Just read the roll call & introductions section (if you haven't). You will see we come from all walks of life and we are all here on EAS.
You know, he isn't going anywhere. Can you say to yourself - I will see a therapist for, I dunno 4-6 sessions. I will give myself the chance to see what's underneath this self-destructive drive - BEFORE I make any decision. And this isn't about blaming your M for what it is missing - gosh, go ahead and D if you find out in therapy you don't want it - that would be far less destructive than thinking about an A, coming here to hear the consequences, and then going on with it anyways to an eventual Dday.
It is far easier to walk away now - however powerful the pull feels, then to carry wounded hearts around in your arms after you have caused massive destruction to the ones you love. You don't know hard yet.
Me.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
We gave you every reason in the book NOT to start this A, but alas, I know all too well that when someone tells me the stove is hot, I have to touch is just to make sure. And guess what, I burn my effing fingers and then say, "wow, that was stupid. You told me it was hot." Getting into an A is just as dumb as that and will hurt worse. It will hurt for months... maybe even years. If I could go back 1 year, I'd do everything differently. What I've put myself and my H through is unexcusable. The poor man experienced 3 DDays. You do not know regret and guilt and pain until you've looked your DH in the eye and see total devastation. It will cause irreversible damage. Please stop now.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
~ life....
http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/
Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't take this torture any more ~ imogen heap
happiness is a journey, not a destination ~ souza
~ life....
http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/
Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta
E1:
My goodness woman! You make it all so clear. I would like to cut and paste your response and put it on the front page of every paper in the country, hell, world, to help save all of those lost souls (Sassy), from digging a shallow grave for themselves. Are you a licensed therapist in disguise??? Love you E1!
AAI
AAI,
I think E1 is a therapist in disguise, too!! Unbelieveable wisdom. We are so incredibly lucky to have her here helping us poor souls. Thank you, thank you, thank you, E1. You are a godsend to us.
Are you listening, Sassy?? I have to admit that I am like Jane in the fact that I would have a hard time listening to people and would be so tempted to touch that hot stove. However, I think if I saw the blisters on people's fingers, I would think twice about it. Wish we could show you our wounds. But all we can do is describe them to you.
It was a great suggestion to go see a T for 4-6 weeks before making a decision about entering into the A. You really owe that to yourself. What have you got to lose? Please don't destroy yourself over this JAM (just a man).
~alwayst2
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