Being on the receiving end...
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Being on the receiving end...
| Wed, 12-30-2009 - 8:54am |
Hi- I have been having such a hard time with my xap going nc without warning. I realize that is highly recommended here for enders, but it seems like a different ballgame when you are the receiver--a woman with raw emotions. Someone else wrote a goodbye email to their xap and got a goodbye in reply from him. I hate to admit, but I was jealous. It makes me wonder if I'd still be here 6 weeks after nc still not being able to wrap my brain around the fact that it is over. I'm sorry to keep whining about him going nc, but it puts a different spin on things. I know there is never closure but it makes me wonder if I'd still be hurting so freaking bad here at 6 weeks out if I'd gotten a goodbye. Plus xap's bday is tomorrow...it has been a bad couple of days for me and his bday just rubs more salt in the wounds. I hope everyone has a good day!! Free

Hi free;
I dont think it really matters who or if the goodbye was said. I think the pain is awful either way. I know I did the NC and it still hurts very much. I was actually (i guess you could say) forced into the NC so it was done without my wanting it. He was withdrawing from me. He was saying goodbye to me through actions. That HURT tooooo! I dont know what to say to help you feel better but just "I feel your pain" I really do. Previous to A I was in a long term "committed" relationship for 15 years. Even though he broke it off and he did say goodbye it didnt make it all the better. I was sick for months. I recovered. I know funny how it seems to take me a year to cut this A dude off. This is different though. This is the first A i was ever involved in (and the last) and it was caused me to deal not just with the grief of the end but challenged me to deal with my inner "demons" I guess you can call it that. Im going off now.
I am not sure closure can ever happen. I have tried the lengthy talks and email and I got nothing from him. I am not sure what you would get from your XAP. But obviously and i dont want to seem harsh. I apologize now if I do.. but judging by his actions you wont get an answer (closure) from him either. He ran. Like a coward he ran. maybe his guilt caught up with him??? I dont know.
Am I making any sense LOL sometimes I just go on and on and on..
Keep talking and let it out. We are listening! Always!
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them.
--Shawn Alexander
Free~
I went back and read your other post about breaking NC
~Iddy~