Bellaterra

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Bellaterra
1
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 9:47am
I noticed that you seem to be over the hard part. What helped you? How long did you do NC and how long have you been out of the affair. Just curious because I like to see people that have made it to "the other side".

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 11:06am
It just burnt itself out. It started burning itself out after the first year. It took two more years (I am NOT proud of that) of NC and MORE Contact and NC and MORE Contact and fights and disagreements and making up -- it just burnt itself out. Sometime before Thanksgiving, I realized that (1) if I stayed in the A I would be in pain and (2) if I got out of the A I would be in pain. Once I realized that (1) there was no way out of pain (what I REALLY wanted at that point was NO MORE PAIN -- and I had to face the reality that it just wasn't gonna happen!) and (2) that ending the A for good really was like grieving the death of someone I loved, then I started reading up on grief and on being 'single' and started praying a lot! :-) I am VERY fortunate in that I was born with a deep spirituality, which has always seen me through. I don't go to church much, but I see and feel God everywhere a lot of the time, even in my XMM, so that has helped me tremendously. BTW, I have done ALL of my "Suggestions" and they helped me a great deal. I am STILL not listening to music (just classical), because I know I can't do that -- yet. And I am very much involved in my schooling and in volunteering because it helps ME so much.///What I will never be able to explain is that my MM and A gave me a good, healthy sense of myself, my gifts, my strengths, my abilities -- and I didn't have that before. So I am grateful for him and for the A -- and glad/grieving that it is over.
But, yes, for the most part, I am through it. And I'm sorry. Maybe I should be on this board. But I still have some REALLY BAD TIMES. It's going to take about a year to get fully over this -- where it doesn't hurt to think of him and the good times we had.