The Best Way to Exit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
The Best Way to Exit?
4
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:00am

I have moved over to this board because I feel things coming to an end...I'm not sure I want it to but it has too for a variety of reasons. We have been in contact, seeing each other for about a year now. We knew each other from about 15 years ago so, to me, he was a safe, comfortable yet exciting person to be with. From the beginning, I have struggled with this "relationship" 10% happy and 90% sad, mad, crazy, confused, lost....


From the beginning, his contact with me has

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:09pm

Hi kelugirl,


I like your name. Welcome to EAS and your story sounds like many here.


Have you had a chance to read in the "Healing Library"? You may find when reading there many situations mirror yours.


Do you think you deserve to be happy more than 10% of the time? I do!!! I for one think you deserve someone who is there for you emotionally as well as physically on a regular basis. This guy only wants to be around when it is convenient for him. He expects you to be waiting when he is ready.


Next time he calls or contacts you tell him he has the wrong number. Tell him he is looking for a call girl and you are not one. (Refer him to online websites if necessary.) Then do not answer anymore of his calls/texts/emails...who knows you could be safe for months since he must be

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:32pm

Thanks so much for your reply. I know what I need to do for my sanity. The stumbling block for me is not knowing WHY....why does he make me feel like I am the best thing, and then I get ignored. Why when we are together do we have this incredible chemistry that I know he feels too and then

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:34pm

Hi kelugirl and welcome (((hugs)))

>> So...I think we are at the end...my question (after all this rambling)...do I just let it go and fade into the sunset....or....do I contact him and let him know its over from my end so I have some answers/piece of mind going forward. For me, its hard not knowing, what the hell happened (I shouldn't care...he's not been nice to me!!).

Its so hard....I really thought we had something. I thought he cared.<<

I'm sorry you were mislead and deceived by your xAP. A lot of us have been there and yes it is hard to accept the truth - they don't care for you except what you provide to them (sex, attention, adoration, etc.) They are manipulative and know exactly how to go about getting what they want from you; and as women we fall for it big time (flattery, attention, etc.).

It's up to you how you decide to end it. Personally I chose to tell my xMM to go to h&ll, but there are others who just went completely NC and faded away. The important thing you need to realize is that you will never get closure. You will never fully understand WHY he treated you so badly and why he kept you afloat in lies and deception. We all want them to be good people, and we find it hard to realize they are most definitely NOT.

You won't get answers - you'll only get more lies - so really it's up to you how you want to end it. As long as you end it and take your life, pride, dignity and self-esteem back... for they all take a major beating for us in the context of an affair.

There are great reads in the Healing Library (I think you would enjoy the MM Code Book) and of course feel free to post as much as you want, we are here to support you on your journey.

xoxo

trixie

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 3:05pm

unfortunately, what i am saying here is not easy to hear:


the best way to end, if you truly want to, is to end. cut off all communication. make like a tree and leave.

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h