Better thoughts tonight.
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Better thoughts tonight.
| Fri, 12-10-2010 - 1:18am |
After a few days of on and off struggling with thoughts of him I spent some time this evening reading in the Healing Library. Here is what I wrote in my journal tonight:
Day 18 NC today.
I'm understanding more and more that our affair was no different then most others. It followed the same timeline and cycles. And it ended as most do. He pursued hot and heavy, and ended up 'loving' me only to back away more and more as time went on. Even saying "I'm sorry you haven't been in my world and don't know all that's been going on" when I complained of lack of contact. How dare I ask for more than the crumbs he gave, I had no right to ask for more. How demeaning and disrespectful to me. So glad to have finally made the break and to have said 'NO' to his last request of getting together. I am free now and moving forward. Grateful.
Thank you to all who post here. You are helping me push through this difficult process. I hope to be of help to others as I learn along my journey.
Day 18 NC today.
I'm understanding more and more that our affair was no different then most others. It followed the same timeline and cycles. And it ended as most do. He pursued hot and heavy, and ended up 'loving' me only to back away more and more as time went on. Even saying "I'm sorry you haven't been in my world and don't know all that's been going on" when I complained of lack of contact. How dare I ask for more than the crumbs he gave, I had no right to ask for more. How demeaning and disrespectful to me. So glad to have finally made the break and to have said 'NO' to his last request of getting together. I am free now and moving forward. Grateful.
Thank you to all who post here. You are helping me push through this difficult process. I hope to be of help to others as I learn along my journey.

((ILE))
I am so happy to hear you had a better night. The HL holds a wealth of information and many gals read there faithfully day in and night their first few weeks out. What you journaled shows progress because you are now holding yourself accountable, which is a huge step in the right direction. It's so easy to point fingers at others for our pain and failures, but with affairs we had, in fact, volunteered for this onslaught of emotions and it only stands to reason we are going to feel pretty beaten up once they are over.
Yes, it is a very difficult process, but you have only just begun, so be easy on yourself. The real healer is "TIME" and as the days and weeks pass, you will notice the subtle changes within you. This is why NC is so very important to our healing. NC=NO NEW HURTS. (Had to throw that in here)
ILE ~
You sound/look happy today.
And even if they WOULD be a good partner in different circumstances, the dynamics of the relationship are so flawed there's *only* damage in staying involved.