Big, Scary Day Looming

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Big, Scary Day Looming
11
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 9:22am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 10:31am
Hi Decade,
I will be sending good vibes your way and good for you on being near four weeks nc:-) Triggers are hard and when a place that held special meaning to us is part of a trigger that is especially hard. What I c
ame to realize about places that triggered me is what I made them to be. It took me time but I am changing those special places into another meaning because if I avoid them all then I will be avoiding to much in my life. Try changing those placrs into a positive meaning just for you:-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 10:59am
Hi Decade,

Please work at re-framing this "Big, Scary Day" ... talk about predetermining time before it has even happened.

You have no idea what you'll feel once you are there. You have the opportunity to frame this day as a celebration!

Yup, going back to the same place where you met the person that would collude with you to become lower than low. NOW you get to go back and reclaim that spot with new found dignity and respect for yourself and your wife.

You really can make choices about how you wanna feel.

Learn to think re-frame & new thoughts, and your emotions will follow.

With care,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 12:16pm

Hi Decade lost-

My A lasted 7 years , and getting through those first trigger days were hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2010
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 5:29pm

Decade,

I will be sending positive thoughts your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 6:00pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 8:41pm

Hi Decade, It's great to hear that you're still with us. I was missing your posts and wondering if you were doing OK.

In the five weeks since I ended, I have had to face many triggers too - the place where we met, the hotel where I stayed, the restaurant where we had our first dinner, the street where he works. A combination of avoidance (changing plans to avoid triggers where possible), distraction (making sure that my schedule was full as possible), reward (creating new happy memories of those places to start diluting the association with our A), and preparation (having a script ready in case I should see him and a friend to contact should I be feeling weak) helped me to get through my first two trips back to his city. The reality turned out to be less "big and scary" than the fears I had built up in my mind, and I felt incredibly proud of myself when I made it safely home to my family.

You have given both your xAP and your wife extraordinary gifts by giving freedom to one and commitment to the other. Face this trip with the same strength and integrity that you've shown so far and

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 6:49pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 7:11pm
so happy you got thru it, you are doing great. hang in there, this is a tough time and I think you are going to get thru this. I am proud that you have stopped being selfish and let her go. Let her live a full life. The best thing you ever did for her was let her go. And you should be proud of that. 10 years is a long time. Getting thru this was a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud...your on your way and soon you will have tweener wings and you will even feel better. Blessings to you...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 8:14pm
Yay for you Decade! You did it - I knew you had the strength inside you. What a great milestone to have reached and put behind you, and I love the way you confronted those triggers head on and took the time to reflect and say goodbye back in the very spot where you met. Hope you have a chance to do something special with your wife now that you are home.

Smiles and sunshine

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 5:32am

Decade

Soooo happy to hear from you- I was wondering about you! I think you did a super job with your tough day. I would have done the same thing. Sit in the heart of those sad feelings at the epicentre of the sad memories, and just let those feelijgs wash over you!

I think this is the only way with demons. Face them head on and say 'do your worst guys, sting me and pinch me- it will hurt- but I know that, and I will withstand it, because after that your stings and pinches wont hurt nearly as much!'

You are doing wonderfully Decade- stay strong.

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do

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