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Blah today
| Wed, 12-09-2009 - 9:36am |
Feeling kind of down in the dumps today...I really want to call exAP to hear his voice. Somebody wrote (can't remember who)about getting a "fix" from AP. That's exactly what it is....I feel like I NEED to hear his voice and talk to him. I know that sounds ridiculous...I'm sure he's not thinking of me. Just want to get some reassurance....this is hard!

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Hi Jilly,
I can tell you that if you call him and get that 'fix' you're talking about, you'll feel good for about 2 hours.....then you'll start to analyze the conversation, but continue to tell yourself 'I'm fine, no big deal, nothings changed'....then tonight you'll keep hearing his voice as you toss and turn in bed....tomorrow you'll wake up thinking of how used you feel, how could he throw it away, how could it be over, why did he seem okay on the phone yesterday, like he was perfectly fine with the way things are now, isn't he struggling, blah, blah, blah...
And you'll feel like total crap again...
Then you'll feel sick to your stomach for allowing youself to break NC, and you'll feel like you're starting all over again in the process of getting over him, while knowing that again, today, he's perfectly fine, going about his life as he was before he spoke to you yesterday, no big deal to him....
and then you'll realize what a big deal that one little phone call was to YOU and your recovery....
And you'll feel worse than you do right now.
Jilly,
No one likes the blahs but we all have those days, whether related to A stuff or not, right? Yep, you are probably craving a "fix" but as I always used to say on here, "Don't feed that junky mind." ;-) The urge will pass, so ride
~Iddy~
Hi J,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough day. You've got some good support from others here. I would also like to add that
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hang in there, Jilly
It's just your addiction trying to reassert itself.
Thanks Empower,
I think knowing that communication w/ex-MM will NOT give me a good 'fix' is what's making the pain so real now.
Jilly,
For me, it's a bit different.
Thanks. The last time I talked to him was last week. I called him (of course). We got into a huge fight. He actually called me back a half hour later and apologized for yelling at me and everything. I couldn't believe it. That was all. I didn't call him back and we haven't spoken since. In a way, I think he called to apologize so he could "keep me in line" and "keep the peace". Maybe he thought: "What if I "need" her again?" I don't know....just a thought
I wish I could just close my eyes though and pretend like it never happened.
'I wish I could just close my eyes though and pretend like it never happened.'
Oh, wouldn't that be nice!
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