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| Wed, 12-09-2009 - 9:36am |
Feeling kind of down in the dumps today...I really want to call exAP to hear his voice. Somebody wrote (can't remember who)about getting a "fix" from AP. That's exactly what it is....I feel like I NEED to hear his voice and talk to him. I know that sounds ridiculous...I'm sure he's not thinking of me. Just want to get some reassurance....this is hard!

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~Iddy~
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I read this over and over and over.....it is so true. it totally has me prepared for when n if he emails. I have copy and placed this in a word doc so I can go back to it and refer to it. Please do not go anywhere Mickey. We need you. I have a long way to go and everyday is a struggle. Particularly this morning. But what you wrote has really told me alot. and I am grateful for you. More than you imagine.
Hi Iddy,
Thank you...I guess since I haven't been doing much work, I'm doing a lot of thinking.
I certainly am not going anywhere anytime soon....I still have a long way to go myself.
Sienna,
I'm glad I could help you.
I feel the same, wow, I wonder all those same things. Today is especially tough for me, a week ago today I had an a A. He took me, was happy to pay of course, anything to get rid of his dirty little secret. But I hurt because I did not want to do it. I just did not want to. But I knew I had to rid myself of him. There was not just me, he has many, many others too. Before me and after me. He, I am sure, has moved on to another A. He has many that knew about wife and do not seem to care. I did not know about her. But either way, it still hurts. What I did about killed me. And I thought he got away scott free, but he is not, he is miserable....thats why he needs women (a lot of women) to feel good about himself.
I wonder if I made a dent, this man swore up and down he loved me so much....i mean he said it so much....i actually believed it. the reality he only loves himself. just himself. and no your days were not a complete waste. We will get thru. Your ex may be going about life just fine. But know that he is not happy. I know for sure, mine has gone about replacing me already....which is fine. Not with just one either, several. But that is better for me, hopefully she can keep him occupied long enought for me to be strong enough to say F off when he does come fishing.
I think you are way strong, I truly respect you for all you have done and how far you have come. today hurts cuz I am dealing with a really traumatic experience by myself. I am not so hurt about him. I am hurt because I had to do something I really did not want to. I know it was best. But the pain is no less. I could never have to imagine dealing with him forever.
Your ex, like mine, will come around, lets just be prepared when they do, we can get thru this together. If you want to talk to me off the board, please do, we can also chat if you like, I have a lot of time on my hands unfortunately. work has slowed down so much for me...., my email is Lburris20@hotmail.com. Let me know here or there if you are comfortable off the board. otherwise, we are fine here too. Thanks again.
If I can get thru today. I will feel better. I know that. Wish I had more to do. Thx.
ALL you ladies are truly a God send to me!! I thank ALL of you who post on here. It REALLY helps me get through the day. When I look in the mirror, I don't know WHO I see anymore BUT I want to see the old me again. Sienna, what you said about looking at old pictures really does help!!! I'm going to keep doing it.....every little bit helps!
Heard this line in a song today and loved it: "Everything's gonna be alright one day at a time".....let's keep remembering that!!
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