Blew it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
Blew it.
9
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 6:55pm

I am a newbie here and started to come here because I wanted to end my A before it started. AP and I had recently started seeing each other (dated each other as teens) and there was just a lot of kissing and petting.


I started NC, but did not tell him about it. On Thursday I was thinking about him and he texted me (miss you). I texted back (OMG miss you like crazy). Then ended up stopping at his place on my way home from work. We talked and cuddled and he was the one that said "We are not completely horrible people-we haven't gone all the way".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: julia_tx
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 7:29pm

Julia,
What is it that you need/want from us at this point? If you're not going to help yourself, we're powerless to assist you -- and you seem hellbent on destroying yourself.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
In reply to: julia_tx
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 9:09pm

Julia,


Snap out of it, child!! Dee is right. What do you want?

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
In reply to: julia_tx
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 11:36pm

Dee and Always,


That is just what I needed. The honest truth.


Someone to tell me that it is in my hands.


Someone to hold me accountable.


Someone to tell me that it is possible to start over at day 1 with NC. When I started NC the first time, I had an illusion that it would be easy. Now that I know how hard it is going to be, I am a bit frightened.


Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: julia_tx
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 12:57am

julia,

From one TX gal to another, please don't continue on this road to self destruction. From the little you have shared with us, you have enough reasons to stop and be scared to death. Nothing, I repeat, nothing good is going to come from this. If you dated this man earlier in your life, then I'm betting you are trying to reconnect or finish what perhaps you feel is unfinished business? Julia, you went your way for a reason. He went his way for a reason. Don't try to go back and recreate the scene. You have a real life that does not involve him. I know it's hard to break away. But consider the alternative. Or have you? Really think about what you stand to lose. Can you bear to see your DH's face when he discovers the A ? That is the reality of continuing in an affair that can do nothing but bring total chaos and upheaval to your life. Is your AP worth that?
Julia you can do NC if you truly want your life back. Please hang around here, read everything and stay with this incredible group for support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
In reply to: julia_tx
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 8:40am

Julia, It took a lot of courage for you to post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: julia_tx
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 11:44am

Julia,


<>


Worrying about it isn't going to get you anywhere. Just do it. Your AP sounds like a scumbag, laying with strippers and not using protection. The fact that you had to insist he wear a condom tells us you wanted this more than he did. Either end this now or

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: julia_tx
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 3:07pm

Husband's nice? Check
Husband loves you? Check
You love your husband? Check
You don't want to destroy your marriage? Check
AP is a pothead and a drug dealer? Check
AP sleeps with strippers and doesn't use protection, so therefore is incredibly irresponsible? Check

Look at the reality of both situations. Now tell me, what is so appealing about AP? Keep this in the forefront of your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
In reply to: julia_tx
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:23am

I did it and hopefully I did it right this time.


I sent a FB message explaining that I was not going to contact him anymore and please do not contact me. I then blocked him on my phone and unfriended and blocked

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: julia_tx
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:36am

I'm proud of you, Julia. It doesn't matter how he gets the message, just that he does. Now the healing can begin, and we will be here in helping you to get past this painful indescretion. Remember, we've all BTDT. You are no longer alone as you travel the A ending journey.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~