Blown in 5 minutes (longish)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Blown in 5 minutes (longish)
10
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:20am

deleted... doesn't need to be up anymore.. thanks for all your responses...


Edited 5/29/2005 11:42 pm ET ET by blewitnow
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 9:06am

blewitnow

I am not sure what your looking for but if it is a hug then (((((blewitnow))))), there you go.

Now be prepared because sooner or later there is a better then even chance that he will be back to re-establish that "FRIENDSHIP", but understand the nature of the relationship has changed you now have something he wants. Over time guilt/fear will take a back seat to LUST and he will be checking in to test the waters toward another encounter as you called it.

Do yourself a big big favor a firmly rebuff him everytime, don't allow yourself to become a booty call or your going to get in deep emotionally then thing go from bad to worse very quickly.

JMHO.

Free

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:33pm
It is upsetting when people we trusted let us down, and you trusted him to be your friend. Listen to FREE she is always right. Once that line is crossed it changes everything because it is hard for him to forget how it is to be with you. You can not force someone to be your friend. You will end up getting used. If he is truly your friend he will come back and let this go and never cross that line again. It may take him some time but there is nothing you can do other then find new friends and move on. The pain of losing him as a friend is nothing compared to the pain you would find in continuing with a relationship that has become an affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:41pm
Gosh, you guys are so right. I know all this in my brain...why is it so easy to forget reality? A's are NOT worth the pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:59pm

Your insight is helpful and the hug really helped too... I actually feel better now that I have gotten it off of my chest (so to speak). I think I have to change my expectations too. He was my friend. I have to be willing to (a) let go to what was (b) see if a friendship ever starts again and (c) be on guard to make sure that another incident doesn't happen.

I have to recognize that it hurts a lot for me because I don't have a H or SO to fall back on and there are no potential guys in the picture. So he is my last best thing if you know what I mean.

exercise and crying sure help clarify things along with all of your words of wisdom.

I WILL NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH HIM BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE HIM AS A FRIEND!!! My mantra... Lesson learned...

of course he has to call me back but oh well... he isn't and won't... sad but I am okay

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 3:13am

blew,

if he was a real friend, he would not have let this happened

im sorry u lost a friend

my 2 cents,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 12:01am


Max,

wow... not a friend. hmmm... interesting... i have to think about that one... thanks...

if not a friend for seven years, what? a suitor? i don't think so... thoughts...

thanks...

blown it once and not again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 2:37am

blew,

just my opinion, maybe i am forcing u to see it, not trying to be mean or anything but if he realy is your friend, he would do the right thing already

i wish u well and i hope u take care of yourself, dont let another person control your life

i been there b4 and i am still not over mine, still miss her and still a big part of my life but i realize its all a lie so i try to see it all in a different light

max
welcome to the board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 11:31pm

Max.. thanks.. you defintely gave me something to think about. Now, I need to think.



Edited 5/29/2005 11:44 pm ET ET by blewitnow
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 4:05am

i find it completely selfish to delete an original post that had responses to it...because "you" are done needing it. Others learn from postings here. It will be very confusing to those who read the responses now. (not a lot of cut and paste as on other boards is done here in reference to original postings).

You should really look into WHY you felt compelled to do that...it could be the answer to what ails you as well.

I understand deleting or cancelling a post right after you write it. Sometimes its scary to put our thoughts out there or sometimes our thoughts are not appropriate for support.

But with that said its very strange to do so after responses have been made and much time has gone by....its a lil obvious its already out there. I suggest next time you ruminurate over it a bit BEFORE you hit "post". OK?

Its too confusing and rather futile for those who have interest or wish to help you and others.
Give yourself a bigger chance at getting support and advice....YOU ARE worth it.
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 12:34am


Guilty... I felt terrible after I did it and couldn't figure out how to fix it... really... I was hoping nobody would notice.

Here is a recap (short version):

I am a she and my friend is a he
we have been friends for almost 7 years
2 years into friendship he married
I have had a steady range of relationships during this time but never married
About a month ago the relationship escalated
as to be expected after the escalation the dynamics of the friendship changed
I was mourning the end of the friendship when I first posted
I was confused as to how it had happened
Could not figure out what had happened...

MM and I talked this weekend. He was able to get away to meet on Saturday. So much for talking. It is clear to me now that MM is not my friend as Max said. He wants a fling.

So I deleted my posts because I was embarassed.

I also did some research on affairs and release that my "Friendship" has really been an affair all along...

Seven years of a friendship... five minutes of "fun" and it is done. strange but true...

Sorry for muking up... new to all this...

BTW, am not going back and redoing the deleted posts because I think it would be good for people to see the wrong way to do things...