This Board is helping me to reconsider A

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
This Board is helping me to reconsider A
13
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 11:39am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 11:54am
I have to admit posting the same question a year ago - hearing the "don't do it"s
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 11:58am

bringing back all the pain and emotional highs and lows I went through 3 years ago ...

I don't want to meet him...

I know nothing good will come from it..except for anxiety, hurt in the long run.

Yes, in the beginning it is exciting but that is fleeting.

****

You know absolutely that you have to run, the only question is whether or not you will choose to invite that pain back into your life. For my this was my first A, and it will be my last. If you were able to end an A 3 years ago, and you know and felt the pain it caused you, why do you feel yourself so worthless as to invite that kind of self-harm back into your world?

For your own well-being, please end your contact and get/start-back into Therapy.

Ask yourself why you are trying to unlearn the insights you have about what an A is all about.

(((hugs))

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 12:00pm

Really? You went through this, with the help of THIS board, three years ago and you are now, again, involved in an affair with a MM? And you're actually considering having sex with him today?

Did you not address your core-issues re: A's and what leads to them before? How is it that you are repeating, step for step, the same destructive and horrible behavior? I am floored.

You can have the posters here weigh in on what you ought to do, but you already KNOW what they are going to tell you - and you already know what you ought to do. But, all the posts, advice, and admonishments in the world are not going to help you if you don't listen and learn, which, apparently, you have NOT.

Get a grip on yourself and stop this madness right this minute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 12:03pm
The posts here show what WILL happen if you choose to go down this path. There is nothing but pain, emotional turmoil and depression waiting for you if you make this choice. Take the turmoil you are feeling about whether or not you should tell him and magnify it by 1000 to help you see what's down the road. It's an absolute guarantee. I wish you the best of luck what ever you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 12:52pm

Hurtin,


Come on, girl, now what is this really all about? You've been down this rocky road before, you finally healed, you are now involved again with another MM, and you want us to tell you to run? Seems to me that someone is not very good at taking responsibility for herself. We are not the A police, honey. We can't possibly arrest you for disorderly conduct

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 1:49pm

Hi H4N,


<>


I will not tell you to run because it seems to me that may be the problem. You may be running away from the problems in your life but have not planned out the destination so you end up running to another problem. Please stop running. Take a deep breath and face the issues that are in your life.


I agree with the other posters who are asking the question: “Have you resolved the deep issues that lead you down this path before?” It’s important to address those issues because if you don’t, it leaves you vulnerable to repeat the same behavior.


<



Has contacting him every brought you real answers or helped you in a positive way or has it only gotten you deeper into the toxic cesspool? Isn’t contacting him giving him power to talk you out of your decision to end things? Are you strong enough right now to resist his counter?


I don’t see any answers for you in contacting him. If you end contact right now and today, you are helping him as much as you are helping yourself to end it. It may be painful at first for him to not hear from you but in the end you are stopping the madness for him too.


<>



Thank you. It’s nice to hear /read that. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m making any difference or helping.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 2:14pm

"If in the end, you feel the scales tipping in the wrong direction then throw your cell in the toilet. That way you could always say, I couldn’t contact you because something came up (well in that case it was more like something went down…the drain). Not that you would ever have a chance to say that to him because you are going NC…Right?"

Hahahaha!!! What a great idea and something you should consider H4N.

Seriously though, like iddy and e-1 have said, you are the one responsible for the outcome of this situation so the decision sits with you. Do you want to feel strong about who you are? If so then say "no". Do you want to end up being road kill? If so then say "yes." The choice is yours.

Thanks for the laugh e-1!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 3:52pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:42pm

((H4N))


Wonderful news, my friend. I sensed that your coming here first was a cry for help, and I am so proud of you for reaching out for advice. Now I will officially re-welcome you to our community. All it takes is digging just a little deeper each time we are thinking about walking the A plank again. It's inside all of us to make better decisions and choices, no matter what that little devil on our shoulder is whispering in our ear.


I'd also like to thank you for the kudos. Us vets around here truly do understand the magnetic pull of an A, but we also have the tools now to cancel that magnetic field. All you have to do is impliment them and let what works....work. ;-)


You would have a lot to offer the posters here and I, for one, will be looking fwd to your posts.


More hugs,

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:49pm

Thank you Iddy! I had to remove my post as I am a wee bit paranoid of being found out... enough said on that!


I just deleted everything I have from him..he is completely blocked.


I am ready for the hurt to start...I can feel it rising right now..but I will get through it. I have no way of contacting him..none.


Thank you again and I look forward to sticking around :)


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