Bored of him, bored of it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Bored of him, bored of it....
11
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 4:59pm
Don't know what happened, but I find the whole emotional affair with my MM to be totally boring now. I guess it just feels stupid now, and I am surprised. But I have no longings for him. I hope this feeling lasts!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 6:25pm

Awesome!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:20pm
what a wonderful thing! maybe it's an eppiphany for you. Your blinders are peeling away & you're seeing the truth. This happened to me too, when I ended it for the last time, almost a year ago!

Savor & appreciate your newfound freedom!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:27am
Hi,

I am also feeling bord of him, bord of it...

Is initiated NC necessary or can I just let it fade away slowly?

I know I owe it to him to say something but I am a little apprehensive about the whole thing.

What is the best way to end it?

HFL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 11:59am

I believe that letting it just fade away leaves the door open for possible future involvement/contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 12:27pm
Hi Chris,

Thanks for the great advice.

I know your right, just fading away will leave a door open. It's not fair/right to keep someone hanging on.

I'm curious. What did you mean when you wrote, "I finally had to turn the tables and make him ticked off enough that he dumped me!"

This may be the best approach for me. The MM I am seeing is very controlling.


HFL


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 1:06pm

(Warning!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 4:45pm
I think each affair has its own journey toward ending. I had an affair a long time ago that needed to end - the MM was a sociopath, and the affair was terribly painful to me - even though the sex was incredible - and I knew that if I told him it was over, he would draw me back in. And that was desite that I knew he didn't want the affair anymore either. But we were both so controlling that if one of us tried to end it, the other would try to reel the other one back in! So, I just stopped pursuing it. And he stopped pursuing it. And one day, I acknowledged that it already WAS over. And it was.

In my current "affair", I think that it needs to die its own slow death. We have each said that it needs to end. But neither of us seems willing to let it go completely. Instead, it is just getting more and more attenuated, less and less intense. And thus, more boring to me, since I crave intensity. I think that over time, it will just dwindle to complete apathy, at least on my part. I don't think that it will ever be apathy on his part because he is not the kind of intense person that I am...he would have been happy all along with a less intense involvement, and the problems started because I needed intensity. So, for him, nothing is all that different from how it EVER was! But for me, it is a world of difference...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 9:25pm
I let things dwindle down before I started NC. About 6 mos. before I started feeling antsy & trapped and really wanted out but was afraid/unsure/insecure about moving forward. So I weaned myself -- I got busy at work and no longer had time for lunch (we were having lunch almost daily), would leave my cell in the car or turn it off at night (only way he'd call me), had plans most weekends. I MADE myself go on dates and do things outside of the affair, in addition to my time with my kids.

From November to March, I weaned myself this way and when I went on a GREAT date with an available guy who had possibilities (all of my other dates were honestly duds!), it was easy to tell MM, it's time. I need to move on with my life.

My A lasted about 3 years so for me, pulling back first then NC worked. When I finally initiated NC, I was completely ready and never looked back. He pursued me in a way that would have kept me hooked in the past but at that time, I was immune to it because I was so sure and so ready and no longer dependent on him as in the past.

BUT I don't agree that you owe MM any consideration. However you achieve your freedom is for you.

I know it sounds harsh but I don't believe someone who would juggle a marriage and a romantic relationship, manipulating 2 women, neglecting his kids (I'm sorry, if you neglect your W, you are neglecting your kids) and lying and sneaking around is worthy of a whole lot of consideration. At the time, I was so eaten up with shame and disgust and self-hatred that I knew I had to take care of me & my family and forget his needs -- I'd spend 3 years taking care of him and it was past time to end that.

I know we're all adults & got ourselves into our own little messes, but at the end, I knew it was survival and I could no longer consider his feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 11:49am
Me too. I have been jerked around too much that I
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 10:18pm
Hey how did you change the "TO" to "ALL"???

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