Bored of him, bored of it....
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Bored of him, bored of it....
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 4:59pm |
Don't know what happened, but I find the whole emotional affair with my MM to be totally boring now. I guess it just feels stupid now, and I am surprised. But I have no longings for him. I hope this feeling lasts!

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Awesome!!
Savor & appreciate your newfound freedom!!
I am also feeling bord of him, bord of it...
Is initiated NC necessary or can I just let it fade away slowly?
I know I owe it to him to say something but I am a little apprehensive about the whole thing.
What is the best way to end it?
HFL
I believe that letting it just fade away leaves the door open for possible future involvement/contact.
Thanks for the great advice.
I know your right, just fading away will leave a door open. It's not fair/right to keep someone hanging on.
I'm curious. What did you mean when you wrote, "I finally had to turn the tables and make him ticked off enough that he dumped me!"
This may be the best approach for me. The MM I am seeing is very controlling.
HFL
(Warning!!!
In my current "affair", I think that it needs to die its own slow death. We have each said that it needs to end. But neither of us seems willing to let it go completely. Instead, it is just getting more and more attenuated, less and less intense. And thus, more boring to me, since I crave intensity. I think that over time, it will just dwindle to complete apathy, at least on my part. I don't think that it will ever be apathy on his part because he is not the kind of intense person that I am...he would have been happy all along with a less intense involvement, and the problems started because I needed intensity. So, for him, nothing is all that different from how it EVER was! But for me, it is a world of difference...
From November to March, I weaned myself this way and when I went on a GREAT date with an available guy who had possibilities (all of my other dates were honestly duds!), it was easy to tell MM, it's time. I need to move on with my life.
My A lasted about 3 years so for me, pulling back first then NC worked. When I finally initiated NC, I was completely ready and never looked back. He pursued me in a way that would have kept me hooked in the past but at that time, I was immune to it because I was so sure and so ready and no longer dependent on him as in the past.
BUT I don't agree that you owe MM any consideration. However you achieve your freedom is for you.
I know it sounds harsh but I don't believe someone who would juggle a marriage and a romantic relationship, manipulating 2 women, neglecting his kids (I'm sorry, if you neglect your W, you are neglecting your kids) and lying and sneaking around is worthy of a whole lot of consideration. At the time, I was so eaten up with shame and disgust and self-hatred that I knew I had to take care of me & my family and forget his needs -- I'd spend 3 years taking care of him and it was past time to end that.
I know we're all adults & got ourselves into our own little messes, but at the end, I knew it was survival and I could no longer consider his feelings.
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