boss is messin' (not with me)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
boss is messin' (not with me)
14
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:21pm

My boss' wife and youngest child are out of the country and I just saw that he has an email confirmation for a reservation for two for tonight for a very romantic restaurant.

He'll be back from lunch in about an hour. What do I do? He's a friend. His wife is a friend. I've known him for 6 years and, although he's my boss, I rule the roost. We do not have the typical boss/employee relationship at all.

Help!
Thanks,
Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:40pm

Ohh, wow...tough question.


Personally, if I were in your shoes I would be cautious not to get too involved but Im also the type that Id let him know in a subtle way that I knew.


Maybe at the end of the day today when you say your goodbyes/see you tomorrows Id add in a sarcastic "BTW, have fun tonight" all while making direct, solid eye contact. I wouldnt even walk away right away, Id hold the gaze and make sure he was looking at me and the DEAD SERIOUS look I had on my face.


He's playing with fire.


Keep us posted Dee!!!!


GMLB


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:43pm

Whoa - that's a tough one. My knee jerk reaction is don't go there, don't get involved. What if it's innocent? You could be jumping to conclusions. Would he take a chance with a reservation email if it's a clandestine meeting? And if it's not innocent, chances are it's already been going on for a bit if a romantic restaurant is involved. Have there been any other red flags?

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:02pm

ZERO red flags, EVER. I hear every single call he makes, personal and otherwise. Even with his door closed, I hear everything. I have access to his emails, I know he doesn't know how to IM, I know that he doesn't like texting and hardly ever does it (and I know when he does.) While he was gone to lunch, I checked his computer history -- nada. Although, I did see him texting earlier and thought nothing of it until just now.

re: whether or not he'd risk a reservation for a clandestine meeting? bahahahahaha. Bodhi! of course he would. A-havers are risk taking idjits; you know that! ;) My gut tells me something is up - and that this might very well be the first opportunity for shenanigans (the quality of the restaurant is the norm for him and I don't think an indication that "it's been going on for a while".) I think I would have been on to him, if this were not the first time. Another reason I'm panicked; I think this is the first of it and I want to nip it in the bud!!

He's back in the building now and I'm just waiting for him to come in. STRESS!

Update:
He just walked in and I said, "who you going to X with?" he said, "my girlfriend X from X company" (he always calls everyone a boyfriend or girlfriend. He called the janitor my boyfriend because he's nice to me. so that is not an alarm bell.) Then, I gave him the dead-eye stare, and said that I hope she's paying for it. Xperson is not very good looking but you never know. I am going to keep an eye on him.

Thanks for the help.
Dee




Edited 8/17/2010 5:08 pm ET by deeulta
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:08pm

You may rule the roost at work, but you don't rule the roost in his personal life, KWIM? I wouldn't get involved. It's SO not a good idea. You like your job, right?

I have a sort of similar situation. A friend's wife has been screwing around on him with some young buck, of this I am certain. He knows that something's wrong. In the last like five months, she has completely changed. Lost weight, started dressing much younger, wearing thong underwear, going out with 20-somethings to party (she's 37), spends hours texting and FBing. A few weeks ago her husband was out of town and she had a little party with this young guy in attendance. Actually, it was just this young guy and a small group of us from the neighborhood and such. It was so obvious that something is going on if you paid close attention, which i did. I know all of the signs having been there myself. Anyway, two weeks later I was having a conversation with her husband and one other person, and he was talking about her. It would have been the perfect opportunity for me to jump in and tell him things I'd seen. I didn't. I have also had the opportunity to say something to her. I didn't. Why? Because I don't want to get involved in their drama-rama. Honestly, what good does it do to get involved? None. They have their own path to walk. It would be real easy to jump in and play fix it with them, but in the end, I know it would do no good. They have their own passion play going on, and it will end as it will. I'm not God, and I can't mess in other people's lives. You've heard the line about shooting the messenger, right? I say leave this alone and let him hang himself. This isn't about you in any way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:11pm

Good gosh - I'm so fog free at the moment of COURSE I wasn't thinking that your boss ISN'T thinking and would make reservations and have them emailed where the world can see!

You could just go up to him and ask him if he's decided to channel Don Draper.

In all seriousness, ask him what his plans are - no harm in that - see what he says.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 5:27pm
Crisis hopefully averted :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 6:21pm

Hi Dee


I would really advise you not to discuss this in any way with your boss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 7:57pm
I dont know...
I am thinking if you are as cool as you say you are with your boss, I mean tight and cool and alll...super laid back, and can just vibe, then a little comment here or there should not hurt too bad. It may be nothing. Go with you gut and the confidence you have in your relationship with your boss...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:03pm
I'd mind my own business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:55am
dee, we have to be careful that we don't continue to invite drama into our lives. I have always said that we craved a little drama in order to even have an A. It seems to me that you are ending one piece of drama in your life (the A) and trading it for another piece of someone else's drama. You actually checked your boss' history on his computer? That is way beyond the boundaries of workplace etiquette, even if you are "friends" with your boss. We have to tell ourselves to run the other way and stop our behavior when we are "acting out". You are acting out by inviting yourself too far into his personal life. I do know that once you have had an A you can totally spot ppl who are pretending to be just "friends" and are having an A. I have both

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