From my own (and very bitter) experience I can tell you that this is the worst type. Your guy may really want out, but if he doesn't have guts to do it, that leaves you with nothing. It takes a lot of courage to end a marriage, and people involving in affairs are generally the non-confrontational types who tend to seek the easy way out.
So - don't hold out for this guy. It's not going to happen, and the longer you stay with him, the more you'll regret it.
thank you for your response. I know my chances are slim and yet still I stay here. I am fully aware of all sides of the situation. I know I could be here for years, already past 1.
My heart tells me that I am supposed to be here for a reason and that keeps stopping me and my instincts have usualy always been right.
Do you always 'know' when it's time to go? My brain and heart both agree that I'll 'know' when its time.
I've been thinking about this question for several hours. I guess what it comes down to is this- if he hasn't left yet, he probably won't. And if he did leave, do you really want to be with a cheater? If he did it to his wife, what makes you think he won't do it to you? I wouldn't want to live with that.
You asked an important question in your post. You said something like "how can you go NC when you know it's hurting him?" I struggled with this too. I knew that breaking it off completely was going to be hard on my xap, and someone here said something to me that really stuck. NC is NOT a punishment. It is a gift that you give to your xap and to yourself. It will allow both of you to escape from the fog and get on with real life. I know you may think that you are hurting him by cutting him off, but it really is a gift. It will help both of you move on.
From my own (and very bitter) experience I can tell you that this is the worst type. Your guy may really want out, but if he doesn't have guts to do it, that leaves you with nothing. It takes a lot of courage to end a marriage, and people involving in affairs are generally the non-confrontational types who tend to seek the easy way out.
So - don't hold out for this guy. It's not going to happen, and the longer you stay with him, the more you'll regret it.
XOXO
Gone
thank you for your response. I know my chances are slim and yet still I stay here. I am fully aware of all sides of the situation. I know I could be here for years, already past 1.
My heart tells me that I am supposed to be here for a reason and that keeps stopping me and my instincts have usualy always been right.
Do you always 'know' when it's time to go? My brain and heart both agree that I'll 'know' when its time.
Maybe I'm worse at fence sitting than he is! :p!
CM,
<<
~Iddy~
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Edited 4/28/2010 2:31 pm ET by jilly1983
I don't know why I have stayed then really. I can't figure that out. If anyone can help me understand maybe, then I would love your opinions.
Yes we talked about the cheating on me piece and he knows I have thought about that.
My two cents:
Hey CM-
You asked an important question in your post. You said something like "how can you go NC when you know it's hurting him?" I struggled with this too. I knew that breaking it off completely was going to be hard on my xap, and someone here said something to me that really stuck. NC is NOT a punishment. It is a gift that you give to your xap and to yourself. It will allow both of you to escape from the fog and get on with real life. I know you may think that you are hurting him by cutting him off, but it really is a gift. It will help both of you move on.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
This post belongs on MAS.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N