Breaking the habit
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Breaking the habit
| Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:57am |
I have been, and still am struggling with the end of this thing. It has been two weeks and it doesn't seem to get better. But I do realize that when I am around others I really do not think about him for the most part. So I guess what my biggest struggle is breaking the addiction to the habit of him. Mornings are tough because we always emailed each other. So as I sit here doing my morning routine with my DD and I am having a tough time b/c he was part of this routine. Late afternoons are just the same. In the evenings I can't even listen to my DD's bedtime songs without longing to hear from him. So I guess I am thinkign if I can break some of my routines that maybe it will break the habit of him as well. I don't know. Anyone feel that way?

Good luck to you - I'm in the same boat!
:) Frisco
I feel the same way! Each day is a push..thinking about what I am goign to do to occupy my time. Think time is a bad think time is a bad thing. Can't wait for an easier day!
Thanks Frisco..you hang in there too!
I can't offer you any advice except that I guess it will get easier as time goes on. I hope it will for all of us. Hugs to you from someone who is right there with you.
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DD knows Mommie's mind is elsewhere and that Mommie is sad. Dependent on age she may believe she is the cause of Mommie's sadness or isn't enough to keep Mommie from being sad. By permitting exMM to be part of DD's morning routine cheats DD of her Mommie. Changing your routine even slightly will help both of you. Age dependent thing but I used to dress DD by her changing table, now we get her dressed near the chest of drawers. Try sitting in different chairs at the breakfast table, yes it feels weird not to sit in your normal seat at breakfast, but it's supposed to feel weird. See what other eeny-weeny little changes you can make to your morning routine. What you change doesn't matter so much as that there is change and it does focus you on the task at hand.
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Same deal, Bria, make tiny alterations to your routines. Every day that your focus isn't on DD, you're cheating her of her Mommie. Add a new song to the old favourites. My DD has two bedtime stories before I put her in her crib, there's a bed in there that we sit on to read stories. Our change was to add another book to the choices for nuh-night stories and instead of sitting at the pillow end, we sat at the bottom end of the bed. It focuses you on what you are doing because it is just different enough to not allow your thoughts to drift.
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You've answered your own question, hon. It will. And it'll work exactly as much as you want it to.
There's a huge difference in going NC because you want an end to it and going NC in hopes of manipulating the outcome. Work out what you want, but do it outside of DD time.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Just wanted to add my 2 cents to the routine thing...
My heart always jumped when I heard my computer "ping" to let me know I got an email, and I always hoped it was him. I changed my alert sound, and it really helped! It kind of broke the association and I wasn't as disappointed when it wasn't him. Changing the way your screen looks helps, too.
Also, change your cell phone ring! If you have a special ring for him, or for text messages, change it!
And this might sound crazy, but I used a separate account for his IMs. I changed the password to "youvecometoofar" so I have to type that every time I log on to check if he's on. "rememerthepain" might help too!
:)
Lily
Anyway, good idea; definitely worth trying for any of you who are trying to kick the habit!
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When MM first ended things I totally kept the NC to manipulate the outcome..wasn't any healing there. This time I struggle with the two types of NC. I think I would be still hoping for a different outcome if MM wasn't doing so well at keeping the NC. It has taken me a lot longer to beleive that it is best for this to be over. Quite honestly it is almost easier living with it right now then without. I am trying to make that swith and keep the nc for the right reasons. I know it is prohibititng any true healing if I continue to spend each day wondering what he is thinkign and if today will be the day he contacts me.
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How dya 'spose I got that way? By making every single mistake I crusade so hard against...Repeatedly. Again and again and again. Perhaps beating my head against a brick wall must have eventually knocked a little bit of sense in there.
Even these days, 9mos on, I have bad moments, Bria. They pass quickly, I refuse to act on them knowing they will pass quickly. I simply occupy myself for the moment that it hits me. I look hard at who I've become and I like me. The fact of the matter is I simply didn't like the person I was whilst in my EMA and I will not become that person ever again, under any circumstances, not for no one.
You will get there, Bria. If you can't or won't gut it out, then you'll do it when the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of moving on, but you'll get there.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie