Breath knocked out!!! Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Breath knocked out!!! Help.
28
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:24pm

OMG, OMG, OMG. I just learned some devestating news about xAP. I want soooooo badly to reach out, send a text, tell him how sorry I am for him. That I'm thinking of him during this time.

I don't hate him; never did. Just recognize it was a mutual ego-boosting thing we did. He never claimed to love me, I never claimed to love him. We only expressed a fondness for one another. We never fought, never had ugly words. There was no ugly goodbye.

The compassionate side of me wants to say something to let him know I know and how very sorry I am. But that will be breaking NC. I DON'T want to go back to the A and am not looking for a way to wiggle back in, but for goodness sake, I'm not an inhumane, unkind person. My heart is literally breaking for him right now. What should I do???????

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:30pm

You already know the answer to this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:38pm

First - PRAY for him.

Second - I dont have experience with this and I will probably be guilty of collusion by expressing what MY gut instinct says and would do - so it's probably better if I dont say anything and let the VETS or others with experience in this weigh in.

PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS though - work.

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:49pm
I am just speechless right now. My xAP is also a public figure and something terrible has happened and it's all over the regional news. How horrible for him. And his family.

OMG. I am so glad I was done with this A before this happened. I am just sick for him, though. I could almost cry for him right now. But he made a stupid error in judgment and now this. Karma? Maybe. But if I think that way, then I wonder what awaits me.

I am so impulsive, my first thought was to send him a text and let him know how sorry I am. But I'm not going to contact him. I will pray, like you suggest, Michelle. There's nothing I can do for him anyway. OMG, will this pain ever, ever go away????

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:51pm

Sorry, I had to post quickly but now have more time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:52pm

Sorry you are experiencing this....BUT....do nothing...AND it doesn't make you inhumane or insensitive..

Wishing you peace, ((alwayst))

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:13pm

Ok....I was a newbie who looked for excuses to contact my exAP, even if it was a anonymous email or text from some random number. I looked for reason and I told myself I had some. Health reason and the like...serious health reasons. So before I tell you what you know you should do but do not want to do, know that I can relate. I am not so far off that I can not relate.

You do not contact him. You do not. It is over and regardless of any circumstance and I do mean ANY circumstance, you do not contact him. Whatever it is that he is going thru, not your issue, not your business-not! I do not care if you too never promised each other the world or never had bad words. NO.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:26pm

Luvin nailed it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:26pm

you just answered my question...the news, public figure...i get it...dont continue to watch how it unfolds...not good, will have you thinking of him constantly. watch cnn but avoid it as much as possible.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:30pm
Luvin, I so needed to read your words. I am going to keep reading them over and over. I just got off the phone with my BFF and told her the news. She thinks I should send a text. (She is the kindest human being I have ever known!) I am not doing anything right now. Nothing. I promise. I am letting your words sink in.

The news fell on me. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. Although he is LD, he has some ties to where I live. So of course, as soon as I could, I googled it and it's all over the place he lives. Just devestating. But you are absolutely right. There is nothing I can do to help him. It might even hurt him if he heard from me. Dunno. Doesn't matter.

I can't even describe what I feel right now. It's not love or lust or any desire to be back with him. I jus wanted to let him know I care. Because I do care. Is that really so terrible?? Maybe I don't get it and should be digging deeper? This goes against my human nature not to try and provide some solace. I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING, THOUGH. I PROMISE. That is why I am here. Please give me more good reasons why it is best for me to do nothing. OMG. It is taking all my strength but I have put complete faith in this board and the vets and their advice.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:35pm
Not at all, Dee. This is exactly what I need to hear. Somewhere in my heart/soul/brain I know it would do more harm than good to contact him. You are right. It would hurt me if he contacted me if the roles were reversed. I am not going to do anything to pray and hope for the best. Send good vibes out into the universe. I don't want anyone to doubt this time my commitment to the end of this affair. It is over. I have already accepted that and am moving on. I am not looking for an "excuse" to contact him. This just hit me hard and that was my first instinct. But I came here instead. (Can I get a prop for that??) Dee, thank you. You guys are all the best.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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