Breath knocked out!!! Help.
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| Tue, 11-02-2010 - 3:24pm |
OMG, OMG, OMG. I just learned some devestating news about xAP. I want soooooo badly to reach out, send a text, tell him how sorry I am for him. That I'm thinking of him during this time.
I don't hate him; never did. Just recognize it was a mutual ego-boosting thing we did. He never claimed to love me, I never claimed to love him. We only expressed a fondness for one another. We never fought, never had ugly words. There was no ugly goodbye.
The compassionate side of me wants to say something to let him know I know and how very sorry I am. But that will be breaking NC. I DON'T want to go back to the A and am not looking for a way to wiggle back in, but for goodness sake, I'm not an inhumane, unkind person. My heart is literally breaking for him right now. What should I do???????
~alwayst2

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Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Always,
Mom has her way of saying things, I totally agree.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
I appreciate you taking time to offer advice. I found your post rather offensive, though. Firstly, I never stated or believed i was the only person on earth who could console him. Far from it. It was a gut reaction/instinct to reach out to someone hurting who I care/cared for. It's only been 3 weeks, so yeah, there's still some feeling for him left inside of me. He has pretty much ruined his reputaion all by himself, though. I tossed and turned all night thinking about it. There's nothing I can do to help him, nor am I in any way in charge of trying to help him, nor am I in any way responsible for the choices HE made in regards to his life. Nor am I even responsible for trying to help him feel better. I cant help but to feel badly for him, though I am not acting on that feeling. I am not indifferent yet. But what I am doing to move beyond the A is coming here, being honest and trusting in the process and the advice I am getting. I understand tough love, but I am reading a lot of bitterness and venom in yours.
I usually don't have a problem with "most" of your posts, honey, but IMO you were wearing your "betrayed spouse" hat this time around. Remember that Alwayst is only 3 weeks out, freshly raw, and still grieving.
Just saying,
N_S
OK, I am very no nonsense. I have been on both sides and maybe because I am rebuilding and my DH and I have had to shoo away his XAP and mine to salvage our M it came accross as a little bias. I tend to be a hard nose by nature but I am learning to loosen up a little. I just know how we can make excuses (all sorts) to stay in the illicit A. I remember once after I ended my A, I remembered I had left my brush in his car. I told myself I NEEDED that brush because it was my favorite brush and works well on my thick hair. I do apologize to Alwayst2 but she has to realize that contact under any terms is not about him it's about her. I sympathize more than you know with ppl hurting after an A. I personally didn't but my DH XAP did and I talked to her on several occassions explaining to her the importants of her not being in my DH life anymore. She was heartbroken and I felt sorry for her but eventually I made her see that she was a danger to our M. This A crap is just a big mess always. I consider my hand slapped.
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