Broke NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Broke NC!
3
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:52pm

Yes..i called. But I had to. yes many of you are saying..had to?? I know myself. I knoe the obsessive contact on my end would not have ended until i got a point where I thought MM at least didn't hate me. So I called. It was hort and to the point. Basically said i didn't wanr to talk and I know he needs tiem but that I just wanted to know that at soem point we'd talk. Didn't ask him what when how?? just that at soem point after all we've been thru we'd clear the air between us. He was tough (like the summer) but said that was he wanted in the first place and that he had no problem with that. I said that was all i needed to know, said take care and hung up!!

I had to get to where I could see past this feelign of him thinking badly about me. Now I have to just deal with the sadness. Now I can try and take each day as it comes. I can try to concentrate on my family. I need to get some strength back!! I am at an all time low!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:30pm
Hey there girl!
I myself am conflicted by an obsessive compulsive disorder of sorts. My need to "know" everything and "analyse" every situation gets me carried away sometimes.
You really need to take a deep breath right now because i fear you are hyperventilating.
I don't think you are ever going to get the answers you want from him. I don't think there are any answers. And until you decide to move on and get back to being you, you are gonna keep wondering what he's thinking, what he wants, what he meant by that etc. etc...
I know this because that was my past hobby as well. And girl i was lowwwwwww.
Have you seen the movie "Closer" by any chance. If not it is worth a look. The people in the movie actually make all of their situations worse by over analysing,over talking and the need to KNOW everything. Some things just ARE. I try to remember this every day.
And in the end if our other men do think badly about us....so what?
You may get to the point eventually where you don't give a fu*k what he thinks about you.
What do you think about yourself? That's what is most important!!!
~hugs
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:43pm

Hi Bria... I want to send you a ton of {{{HUGS}}}. I really feel for what you are going through. I've been reading your posts but haven't had time to post because I read from work and I keep getting interupted - gotta work I guess :) Anyway, I wanted to respond to say that if breaking NC was going to make you feel better I would of done it too. There are no manuals on how to conduct or end an A. You just go with what is in your heart. If it eased some of the pain then so be it. Now at least you can go on from here with a little less wondering what he is thinking.

I wish you all the strength. I know it is tough. Eventhough I am at a different place, because I am the one that ended my A. It still is tough, my XMM will always be in my heart.

So keep strong and eventhough I mainly lurk, I am here if you want someone to vent to.

Luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 10:13am

cap,

i was able to tell om everything i felt. i was able to tell him i had feelings for him and i told him that he played me.

that part of me is in peace.

i think with time maybe you will be alble to talk with him again and maybe air some things out.

for now, give him a little time which he may need.

stay strong and post...it helps A LOT

upsidedown