Broke NC again- cold closure..
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Broke NC again- cold closure..
| Tue, 09-21-2010 - 6:37am |
Hi all
I know I am going to get roused on, and I am ok with that, but I'll tell you what happened.
Basically he fished, I responded! Far out I didnt get how easy it was to open a floodgate. His text was cold and brief-

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IGGY!!!
You can do this! You ARE doing it. I had so many attempts at ending the horrible affair ... 99% before I found EAS so I didn't have to face coming here. You are brave and you are being accountable to yourself by coming to the board. Not ONE of us doubts that you are going to make this ending happen. You came blazing onto this board with eagerness, willingness & flog-blowing fans installed on your head. We all slip - and that's why we can understand
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Hi Iddy and TU
Thank you for your fantastic support.
Iggy,
There is so much strength in the things you say.
I know you don't see it as you fight with yourself, but take it from someone who can't even seem to write about the struggle taking place in her head! I wonder if there is something about the two-week mark that is significant. That's how long I lasted before breaking NC. Last night I was shattered. Your one little e-mail helped me off the floor.
I want you to know that I believe you can do this. I am inspired by the amazing women who have made it to the other side, but also by women like you who are just a couple of steps ahead of me. Hold my hand, Iggy. I will catch up soon, and we will walk together.
Stay strong. From the excellent advice the others have given, I see that NC CAN become a habit that replaces obsessing over the A.
Hi BD
Thank you for this!!! I dont know, Im so miserable at the moment.
Im mostly sad because he hasnt fished again! He wanted sex two weeks ago, now nothing! I was on a contact high after he contacted me, I was insulted about the sex, tempted as all hell!, but I guess I got an ego stroke from it.
Now he seems to have decided that even the sex isnt worth re-opening this can of worms. And that hurts too! Is there nothing about this that doesnt hurt???
My biggest hurdle is accepting who he is now (amazingly cold) compared to who he was (very loving). But even that is a fantasy as he was really only like that at the start and then VERY sporadically in the last 12 mths! Its like my mind is deliberately blanking out all the crap, and he looks like a knight in shining armour! UGH
But I am determined to say Goodbye to Bad Rubbish and Hello Beautiful Future! So I'll keep trudging along :)
Iggyx
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