Broke NC and am FIRED UP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Broke NC and am FIRED UP!!
6
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 12:01pm

Ok, before anyone gets disappointed or ready to whip my hinnie, let me explain. It was really more like LC since it was a professional email exchange (sort of). I really need to tell this whole story because I do need some advice and guidance. This may be long, but here goes:


xAP is a very high ranking military officer and decorated warrior. (keep in mind big ego and small penis--hahaha--I have to keep cracking myself up.) Anyway, we had an A 20+ years ago. I ended up confessing to my H, who was also in the military.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 12:25pm

Do nothing. It's all in his hands now, and if it will fall through - then nothing you can do about it. Please do not threaten him with any emails - this is so Fatal Attraction like. You may pressure him to get what you want, but do you want to be remembered like that, throwing temper tantrums? I know this anger - we all thought we were important for them and our lives and projects and aspirations were important...they were not. He let it fall aside even though he was intimately involved with you...because he didn't care that much.

Let it go. Your real life project that meant a lot to you became a usual casualty of an affair. Maybe it will still work out though.
I'll email you later today, hope you feel better soon.

Love,
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 12:44pm

Ms T&T (aka T2)


The biggest problem I see here is that you didn’t get the asset before you gave up the kslopis! Woman did you learn nothing in etiquette class! The appetizer is before the main meal!


Ok so on a serious note.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 12:47pm

Thank you, Gone. You are right. My project is a casualty of the A as well. Yeah, he didn't care that much to stay on top of this request for me. That really hurts and I am so mad right now. He was just in it for the fun and games and ego strokes. Professed how proud he was of me for what I have achieved over the years. We kept joking that I was sleeping with the CO just to get certain things from him--which does have a lot of truth in it. We were just using each other.


I have deep seated anger from our first dday. I protected him. I was considered the neighborhood whore when I returned to H. I had to listen to lots of whispers behind my back then. And what did xAP suffer because of it? Not a freakin' thing! His W never even found out about it. He continued to do his thing and get promoted to where he is now. God, I do feel sorry for his W.


What's messing with my mind right now is that I thought he was so powerful, but I actually feel 100 times more powerful right now, just because of the evidence I have. Stupid dumbsh*t probably thinks he swept me off my feet and I would never do anything to hurt him because I didn't hurt him 20 years ago. We didn't officially end it, either, so he probably thinks things are just hunky dorey between us and he can call me up anytime and we can schedule another rendevouz. Hahahaha.


OMG. I am so over him. What a fantastic feeling!!! Now I know I need to get over my anger and my itch for revenge.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 12:58pm

E1, I understand why you are trying to call me out on saving the emails. But I promise you--because I have absolutely no reason to lie here--that I have forwarded the emails

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 5:29pm

Always is officially in the anger stage of this cycle.


I am seething. Not just because of the possibility of him not doing me the favor he

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 6:51pm
Anger, BTDT. One of the things I HATED while in the affair and while lying to myself about why I was maintaining LC, as opposed to going NC, is xAP having so much power over me. I would agonize for hours waiting for him to get back to me. Four days NC (and horrible months of LC) and still I wonder if he'll contact me for any reason. I know it will pass-this board has taught me that. I want to take my power back completely-he's still in my head and thoughts and I'm weary of the emotional toll this whole thing has taken. Ignore him and live your life-more A drama distracts you from healing and your RL.