Broke NC, how low can I go

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Broke NC, how low can I go
67
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 12:30pm

Hello,

I broke NC this weekend with xAP. I know, I know, kill me. I heard a song that made me think of her and sent her an email and a few texts. She thinks she's back in now. I feel so low, I truly want this to be over. We have been LC for a year and there will never be PA again I can promise that. But this EA has gone on for a while and it's just stupid. As I said before I have tried to break this off by being nice, in person, by email, by phone etc. Doesnt work. I even told her that her kids were spoiled and that her

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:08pm

Lolly,

Thanks for your response. I have tried to end it many times and she wouldnt let go. If somebody tells ME they dont want to be in a relationship anymore, I wouldnt stick around. Why would I want to be in a relationship that I'm not wanted? The first time somebody tells ME that, I'm running to the next ciounty. The second time somebody tells me that, I'm moving to the next COUNTRY. So why am I being persecuted for trying to end something that isn't working>? Surely someone on this board has been in a relationship with someone who wont let go. We have been LC at my request for a year now. I rarely contact her. This is leading her on????? Strining her along???? I told her to date other men. Find someone who has the time and ability to make her happy. Stringing her along???

No I haven't cut the final cord to NC. Coward? Nope. Good person? Check. I wanted to end this is adults. There was time when I WAS hanging on because of the fact that my wife was bi-polar and abusive. Ever met anyone Bi-polar? Up and down. I lost my mother, father, dog, godmother and brother in law in the last two years. My 5 best friends. Give all that up and rely on a bipolar wife as my ONLY support? Gee thanks. But now I am 99% ready to end this A and need EAS to help me get over the last 1%.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:26pm

iddy,

Block and walk. You make it sound so simple. Block and walk, kinda so like like Black and White doesnt it? The world is very gray these days. I block and walk my gym membership. I block and walk my old credit cards. Human beings a little different. I just want to end this as adults. Im 99% there. I hope it ends as best for all. Some people stay "friends" with AP after A. I've read about on these boards. Some people have an A and marry their AP. My A isnt bad except for the sole reason that it is wrong to lie. Otherwise I have met a friend that I must now let go of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:31pm

2 THINGS:

1. You said: Surely someone on this board has been in a relationship with someone who wont let go

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WONT LET GO IF YOU ARE CONTACTING HER. PERIOD.

2.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:32pm

TU-

I have will have to disagree. Relationships are a two way street. It is not all on ME. I have tried to break this off 20 times. Have gone to LC for a year. If someones tells me once they dont want to be with me, Im moving on. Twice, I'm moving to another CUNTRY. Thats my fault? lol. Coward? No. Nice person? Yep. I dont like hurting people and have tried to end this as adults. I am 98% there. My marraige is so strong that even if my wife found out that I occasionally talk to her it wouldnt be the end of the world/. We survived a D-day. Because we're strong, not cowards. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:43pm

Lolly,

I think you're mistaken me for her. SHE"S the one who wnats to be friends. I dont want ANYTHING. In most A's people push EACH OTHER away for various reasons. Thats why they call it a roller coaster. She has stepped back and I have stepped back. Just the nature of A's.

"The lingering stringing along destroyed my own self worth, it took me from my kids, and my job, and made me question every aspect of who I was. This girl probably does love you - and YOU keep this relationship alive"

How am I string her along? I have tried to end it 20 times. I told her to date other men. Screw every Tom, Dick, and Harry in town if you like. Find someone who is free and can give you the time and love that you need and deserve. If I told you that, you're telling me you'd feel like I'm stringing you along? Uh no I'm setting you free.

Do we sometimes keep people around because they love us and support us? Yep but not if it's wrong. We've all done it. Im 98% there done with this. Help me ove the hump please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:47pm

CSN,

Your post make a lot of sense. I wish you could say more because I think you're right on. About the no PA thing, Im only talking from experience with her. Whenever I said no PA, she kinda would give up and say she probably wouldn't speak to me anymore. I'm just telling you what she said. Thats why I said if I said no PA she might walk. It comes nowhere from a sense of cockiness, trust me.

DM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:53pm

New,

Im not quite sure why the anger. SHE is the AP that wont stop contacting ME. I have gone NC and LC for a year now. She wont stop contacting me. THE ONLY THING I'VE DONE IS TRY TO BE NICE AND END THIS AS ADULTS AND NOT HURT HER.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:56pm

Nike said it so much better than me:

JUST DO IT

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:57pm

renewal,

you make alot of sense on things. but if I've told her 20 times I want out of this, how is it that I'm coming back to her. She is the one that wont let go. ANd if you and Lolly were the ones that wouldnt let go then shame on you. Did your AP tell you that it's not working and he wanted

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 5:58pm
Sorry ... I HAD AND EXAP who wouldn't LEAVE ME ALONE ... and I sure as heck didn't text him when I got all weak in the knees and then TOTALLY balk at every single word of insight and wisdom about my selfish actions and behavior. YOU WANT to focus it all on her ... go for it. You'll be stuck spinning in the exact same place you are now. YOU want this AFFAIR over, get reading and GET REAL.

Your affair is either over or NOT over... 1% of an affair is AN AFFAIR. Ask any of the Betrayed Spouses ... I am sure they will agree.

AND THIS statement:

"To completely make me feel like the most horrible person in the world, my wife and I went to casino and dinner last nite (lucky me!) and my wife tells me at dinner that she forgives me for my A and that she knows at the time of my A, she was threatentimng divorce every day and telling me she doesnt love me anymore. We were also living apart at the time. So she sort of just said she understood why I did what I did. What more couldI aks for. Feel like a jerk."

I AM SURE your WIFE wouldn't have made this statement if she KNEW your affair was still on-going.

I ask you ... IS YOUR WAY WORKING FOR YOU? This "ending like adults thing" ... good old Dr. Phil - HOW IS IT WORKING FOR YOU?

That's all I got.

TU.

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