Broke NC, stupidly, but RECOMMITTED

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Broke NC, stupidly, but RECOMMITTED
5
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 7:39pm

Yesterday was day 3 of NC. Last night, AP sent me a text which I should've deleted and never opened. Background for those who don't know...I am friends with his wife (I know I haven't been her friend since the A started, but we're still supposedly good friends.) I have been pulling away a lot, and I think she must've mentioned something to AP last night because first I got text from her asking where I've been lately, then a minute later, he texted, "The saddest part of this whole thing is that you and (wife's name) will be less friendly now." I almost choked when I read that. All of this heartache, he ended it, and he is trying to make me feel even more guilty because HE feels guilty for his wife? I replied that there are many sad parts and left it there, but his last words to me (which I didn't respond to) were that I wanted too much. Damn right I did. :(

So today, I blocked him from facebook and email because I have no self-control. My mobile service does not allow me to block a specific number from texts, but I give myself and everyone else my word that if another text comes in, I will delete it on the spot. I am angry, shocked, depressed....you name it. But I'm not allowing him to invade me anymore and I'm not allowing myself to TORTURE myself over him anymore,

I owe everyone here who has supported me the past couple of days an apology. I should've listened to you. No new contact is really no new hurt, and this is all raw again. I am decisively DONE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 8:29pm

Glad to hear you are recommitted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2009
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 9:18pm
I feel low today. The txts were bad, then THREE different times today I passed him on the road, in three random locations while I was out running errands. I think karma is coming around, and I know I deserve it. :( Tonight is going to be tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 4:02am

Oh Smoted- big hugs- I know how you must feel.



Karma is around- and its teaching is to love ourselves more than we do at the moment.



Stay strong sweetheart x



You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 9:08am

Smoted -

Get back on the horse :) What happened is a perfect example of why NC = no new hurts.

<<>>

That's right. Print that statement out and read it over and over. Also "I am decisively DONE" - your words - burn them into your brain.

You made the comment that you saw XAP several times driving around being Karma getting you. You have a fresh start with NC and your life now. Work on your "Agami" - your present karma. What YOU do now effects the future. Stay strong.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 4:18pm

Hi Smoted- Okay, shame on you. There. That is all of the tough love you will get from me, and now the empathy. I can't speak for everyone here, but most of us have broken NC a couple of times before it really sticks. We are still very much wrapped up in the fantasy and the emotions of the A when we first end things. Yes, he played on your emotions, you allowed him to, and now you are hurting. This is a lesson you must not soon forget. Write a note to yourself right now about how you feel- about what a mistake it was to respond- and then start over. NC Day 1 or NC Day 150- we have to have the same resolve to remain in NC. We have to protect ourselves and it sounds like you have done that now. Keep pushing forward. As you get farther long in this process you will realize the great healing powers of NC and rejoice in those powers. So, stand back up, dust yourself off, and we will all be here to cheer you on every step of the day.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/