Broke NC...sort of...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Broke NC...sort of...
12
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 5:30pm
Long story short, exMM and I met on a message board we both frequent. We both live in the same area. I "knew" him online for about a year before we got involved.

After we broke up, he pretty much stopped posting there. I continued to, off and on. I knew he lurked though.

So suddenly yesterday, he comes back. And today, he started replying to my posts, and I to his...on totally innocuous topics like sports...even joked around a bit like we used to. NOTHING personal was said, and no insinuations, either...

I guess I sort of broke NC by even addressing him. But honestly, it was good to talk to him a little bit. Not sure why...I guess I did miss our chats more than I thought I still did. And its nice to know that we can still be civil, at least in "public."

It was very surreal. I wonder if it was the same for him...odd to be talking to someone so politely like nothing every happened b/w us...but good in a way, too.

Not really anything too interesting, but thought I'd share. As I said, I'm not quite sure how I feel right now.

P.S. I also wonder about his W...she doesn't know about this web site...but I am sure she'd be pretty unhappy if she knew he and I were talking even about nothing in particular, in a public forum, wouldn't you think?


Edited 10/27/2004 6:00 pm ET ET by dallastrigirl

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 5:39pm

It REALLY doesn't matter to me whether he called you or you called him, yadayadayada.


WHat matters is that you CONTINUE to engage in some sort of contact knowing full well you have stated that you want the affair over.


Answering him is the same as intiating contact. You're keeping the game going.


I thought you wanted out of the affair game........


cl-nre


Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 6:23pm
Hiya Dallas,

<<>>

I guess you'd better hope that MM's wife shares your opinion although I most certainly wouldn't bank on it especially if she discovers fresh evidence of recent contact.

<<< If anyones going to tell my H, it will be ME and it will be MY decision to do so.>>>

The point here is that it isn't something which is under your control, Dallas.

You simply do not know how MM's wife is likely to react and you're testing it to it's absolute limit and quite possibly *her* own limit. I know I'd have no qualms whatsoever about informing your husband since a private warning was obviously insufficient to keep you two from sniffing round each other. Let's not forget she has a child to protect. I'm well aware Dallas isn't exactly teeming with wildlife (although some of those ladies hanging out at the Galleria are kinda startling!) but I HAVE spent enough time in Texas to know that it's seldom a good idea to annoy a mother bear.

<<< And I wouldn't even know where he worked if he hadn't called my apartment. Sounds like she has bigger problems than me.>>>

If MM has your apartment phone number, you can bet his wife knows it, too. For someone who wants to keep her affair a secret from her husband, you're really banking on MM's wife maintaining her present silence. I think that's one lady I'd be certain to keep from irritating if I didn't want her problems becoming my own.

<<>>

Dallas, I'm not beating up on you. I'm attempting to point out some of your behaviour that I recognise simply because I've stood where you now stand. For what it's worth, I didn't much appreciate having my behaviour pointed out to me either. I did need to hear/read it, however, and those that cared enough about me to tell it to me straight have my eternal gratitude.

Someone on some board or other (and if I knew who, I'd certainly credit them) said something to the effect of:- Ignoring the damage we have caused in choosing to embark upon an affair isn't healing, it's like covering over turds in a cat litter tray. I don't recall the poster expanding on this much but if you think about it, the turds are still there, they still stink, and they're just covered over so as to be not *quite* so noticeable. When you continue adding more turds, it's just more that needs covering over, and it merely adds to the stench. It's only when we empty & clean that litter tray does it ever start smelling a little sweeter again.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

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