Broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Broken
26
Sun, 03-02-2014 - 1:49pm

I'm new here and am SO thankful I found this site... I'm a MW my AP started ignoring me and went NC so I'm assuming it's over, it was an online EA he lives in a different country but met once I went to visit him for 2 weeks... I stupidly sent 2 emaila this morning and he never responds, I know I know I need to realize it's over and I've been reading A LOT of posts and they have helped... I'm going NC as of now, tomorrow will be day 1, please wish me luck on my journey of healing my H now does not know about the affair and I will not tell him to save any hurt. , this is why I am here looking for support and new friends. 

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Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sun, 03-02-2014 - 8:14pm

Welcome Angel :)

I'm glad you been reading here.  There are so many resources to help support one in their ending and help them stay the course.

Yes, no more emails to set yourself up to be rejected and hurt.  Going NC is the right thing to do.   My question to you is...are you going NC simply because he disappeared, or are you going NC because you have decided that you are through?  Your healing will be impeded if you are secretly hoping and waiting for him to NC so you can get back into the swing of things.

If you are truly committed to ending your affair once and for all, then the next right thing would be to block all avenues of communication to protect yourself from him getting through and to protect yourself from yourownself during weak moments when you have the intensive urge to reach out to him.  And there will be weak moments.  

You don't have to go it alone, we are here to support  you...so post in as often as you need to talk things out and through.  Do you have any other support system?  

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Mon, 03-03-2014 - 11:40am

Good Morning!

I thank you for your response . :)

Here's a short version on my story... I met my AP online he is a MM who is seperated and lives in the USA and myself in Canada, we met on a website in July of 2013 we were strickly just friends 'at first' things became VERY emotinal, we talked about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and we both were very much attached to each other... In December, 2013 I went to visit him for 2 weeks and when I came back home things were great up until February, 6th when we just started arguing etc... As of February, 20th he has completely ignored me won't answer my calls, texts or emails... To answer your question, I'm 'guessing' he has ended it and him ignoring me in everyway is him ending it...Yesterdays 2 emails to him were my last atemp at trying to salvage what we had, but no response from him at all. :( 

Deep down thinking about everything, I'm not sure I truly loved him, I think I was just USED to the everyday all day texting, emailing and the phone calls off and on... It is an addiction and one thats hard to break you want that constant emotional support you were once getting and now nothing.

Today is day 1 of NC on my part, I'm going to try and stay calm and busy in hopes of not breaking down... I'm thankful I have found this site and I hope to be on here a lot for support... I keep telling myself 1 day at a time, it will get better. :)

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 03-03-2014 - 2:20pm

It's true, Angel

Time and distance out will ease up the intensity of your feelings.  Do you have a plan in place should he make contact?  Did you shut down the avenue he uses to reach you?

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Mon, 03-03-2014 - 2:30pm

I have deleted the app that we chatted on, I can't really change my phone number because I don't want my H to get suspicious, I have turned off my 2 email accounts, the only time I will turn them on is if I'm joining a support group or such...I never added him as a contact in my phone so I'm hoping his number will get lost in my mind and I won't remember it with time, I know wishful thinking but ya never know. :)

I believe whole heartedly that he WILL NOT contact me again, he's not the type that will fight for anything, so really it's up to me to keep the NC going and so far the longest I have gone is 4 days NC... He never responds so I'm just setting myself up for humiliation and this time I'm bound and determined with this support group to keep the NC going... 

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Mon, 03-03-2014 - 8:14pm

I'm glad to hear that!  I worry when NC is foisted upon us, and our ending doesn't come about because WE realized it was wrong and bad for our health and the health of our loved ones.  You've solidified the end by closing shutting down his means of communication.  I'm so proud of you!

I hope you will use this time for self-discovery.  Affairs are all about us. I've seen people list out justification after justification why they felt they were entitled to have an affair.  And they all fall flat.  So, getting to the root our our weakness is most important to insure that we don't head down such a destructive path again.

Stay the course to insure you put this behind you once and for all.  Keep posting in for support...as often as you need.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 10:20am

Good Morning Clarity!

I want to thank you for your support, it's helping!

Yesterday was day 1 of NC and it went smoothly, I had NO breakdowns and didn't have any urges to call, text or email my xAP. :) it's the start of day 2 of NC lets hope it goes as smoothly as yesterday.

I firmly believe now that when I sent off those 2 emails Sunday and my xAP didn't reply, I believe that was my 'rock bottom' and like all addicts have to hit bottom before they realize what they are doing needs to be fixed or changed... I don't have any support here because I'm the only one that knows what has been going on, so I thank you for your support and your words.

Angel

Avatar for ananemus
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2013
In reply to: ananemus
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 12:36pm

Hang on in there. For you, NC is the only way out of this. Obviously, you are emotionally involved and he is able to move on. This is the end of the relationship and you will only become more and more morose with time if you continue on the path of remaining in contact.

With Clarity's and other posters' help, I will introduce a Belt reward system for those staying NC. You will get a NC white belt, if you remain NC for a week, eventually getting a NC Black belt after 6 months.  I believe that rewards are necessary for those trying to stay NC - something that is not very easy to achieve. Unfortunately, I have become unusually busy, but will get it done by the end of this week. Hang on in there. 

Anan

The past is done, the future has yet to come. Live in the present moment honestly with few chances of regret.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 12:38pm

Good afternoon, Angel!

Thank you very much...glad I can help :)  It's great that you had no breakdowns and no urges. Keep doing whatever you are doing.

If you have an urge, please come here first...so we can talk you out of whatever you think you want to do. We are good at that :)

Here's to Day 2!  You can do this!!

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 1:11pm

Thank you both!!!

I had a mini melt down this morning, but still NC :) I picked myself back up and thought with my xAP there were more cons than pros with him and I had to think of that and it makes me realize I'm doing the right thing. :)

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 1:55pm

Mini meltdowns can be par for the course, and we just have to ride them out...just like you did..excellent!

We do not have to act on any feelings that will bubble to the surface.  Using a breathing technique, get yourself re-centered...and just ride them like a wave. It WILL pass.  Over time, they will become less intense...I promise.  And with ever urge we ride out, we feel more empowered...more in control of ourselves, and that gives us the impetus to keep moving forward and away.

You're doing great!

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

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