Broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Broken
26
Sun, 03-02-2014 - 1:49pm

I'm new here and am SO thankful I found this site... I'm a MW my AP started ignoring me and went NC so I'm assuming it's over, it was an online EA he lives in a different country but met once I went to visit him for 2 weeks... I stupidly sent 2 emaila this morning and he never responds, I know I know I need to realize it's over and I've been reading A LOT of posts and they have helped... I'm going NC as of now, tomorrow will be day 1, please wish me luck on my journey of healing my H now does not know about the affair and I will not tell him to save any hurt. , this is why I am here looking for support and new friends. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 5:18pm

Today has proven to be a tough one, I've had a couple breakdowns, the more I read others stories the more I feel like I can cope with the NC, like I said in a previous post my heart isn't hurting because I do realize now since he has gone NC with me is what I felt wasn't love, my heart is hurting because I miss the constant communication we had between the 2 of us it was an everyday all day thing we shared...

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 8:33pm

good good good.  Not that you had couple of breakdowns...lol...but that you KNOW you can cope.  And you can...I know you can!  It's going to take some time to start filling in that void...with healthier endeavors, of course ;)

Be patient, be good to yourself, maybe start re-connecting with your husband...you might have to 'fake it 'til you make it', but hopefully after a while you'll find you are not faking it all.

Stay the course.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 10:26am

Good Morning!

Day 2 of NC proved to be a tough one. :( I held strong and am starting day 3 NC. :)

Clarity, I have been spending more time with my husband, it's been great the good thing is I don't feel like I have to 'fake it'. :) 

I 'think' that my xAP is secretly hoping I'll give in and either call, leave a text or email, as I said before he NEVER responds since completely ignoring me, but I'm sure that he gets some sort of satisfaction seeing me write to him or leaving a message on his cell. NOT this time I'm going to stay strong and am not willing to be treated like I don't exist anymore.

The support and the stories here help me a lot, and I can't thank everyone enough for sharing and lending great advice.

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 12:06pm

That's great that you feel you are not having to fake it with your husband.  Tell us a little about him.  What are some of the ways...usually in actions...that he shows his love for you?

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 3:15pm

Hi Clarity

My husband and I have been married for 6yrs together a total of 13, he's a great man, husband and step-dad...

He helps around the house when asked, helps clean up after meals when asked without ever complaining, he does little things to show his love, but that's all I need.

I never went looking for an A ,  I was sucked in when my xAP and I met online, I allowed it to happen and I regret it fully and I have wished often to have my life back before him... I vow now never to have an A again... This is day 3 of NC and I am not looking back sure it hurts daily and my mind is consumed with thinking, if he still misses me? Does he still love me like he said he did? Etc...  It's an addiction to the full... He just started to ignore me and never gave any answers to if we were done, so I'm sure in a while I'll start going through the anger stage but right now it's all so raw and new.

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 3:43pm

Kudos on Day 3!

Your husband DOES sound like a great man...the kind of man who could have been scooped up while your back was turned or if your affair should ever be discovered.  I hope you have deleted all evidence.  

I had to laugh at your statement in which you say you are not looking back and within the same sentence you talk about being all consumed and wondering about this and that...lol...I just could not let it slide ;)

Looking backward and wondering what you xaffair partner is thinking serves no purpose.  What could serve a purpose is to replace that wondering in his direction and direct your attention to what it would be like without your great man.  Really, sit quiet for a bit, close your eyes and visualize it all...from the moment he learns of your betrayal to the back of him walking out that door.  I'm not trying to bust your ovaries...just trying to keep your mind out of the fantasy and in your reality.

These first few days are tough going...I know. But I promise things will ease up as long as you stay the course and keep your eyes forward.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 3:53pm

LOL your right!!! I did say I wasn't looking back and then wondering about him, sometimes I need to slap myself. :)

My xAP is in another Country, so I'm lucky that way and ALL evidence is on my phone because that's all I would use to communicate with him... But since his ending things I have deleted ALL and everything to do with him, no saved texts,pictures or emails and no numbers... BUT I KNOW, it could still come out one day and if it does I will face it head on and take full responsibility.

I know what I have at home and am not willing to lose it!! :)

Clarity you are the best!!! Thanks for all your advice.

Anglel 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 9:24am

Last night was awful, I received a text message telling me my xAP has reconnected with an old girlfriend 1 week after he started to ignore me, who knows how long that's been going on for...  

I just sat there numb and a bit in shock and then it turned to anger, I didn't sleep to well knowing what I had found out. I wanted SO bad to text him and give him a piece of my mind, but I held strong and just said to myself he's not worth it and when I did awake from the little sleep that I did have, I felt SO empowered to keep the NC and to show him that I don't need him, I'm not going to cave... 

Today is day 4 NC, I'm feeling fabulous and am taking control and HE WILL NOT bring me down. :)

Angel

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 3:44pm

I really dislike the on-line meeting for this very reason.  People can lie, and drop out of the picture any time they'd like...note really giving a care about the person at the other end.  They must figure, "hey, I'll never run into them."

Good for you for not blasting off any communications.  Doing so is not worth your time or energy.  It IS empowering isn't it. 

Use it as a learning experience.

Kudos on Day 4 and for feeling fabulous!

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2014
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 5:23pm

Sad thing is he and I did meet we spent 2 weeks together, he was everything he said he was ....

I think after we met, it was SO MUCH more REAL to him and he wanted me to leave my husband and move there, and I did not want that... So I'm guessing thats why he's ignoring me and seeing this other lady... I do feel fabulous!! :)

NOW knowing he can move on so fast has made this NC so much easier to handle and deal with...

Angel