cagey guy
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cagey guy
| Mon, 11-02-2009 - 1:58pm |
Been involved with this guy now for 4 years. I can't believe it. It is painful to be with him and without him. He claimes that he is trapped in his marriage, that she doesn't sleep with him. He says that it is great with me because it is where he can be open and honest and intimate beyond sex. Have you heard this before? My problem is even though this is wrong and painful and i've broken up constantly with him, we keep coming back together. He says that he has all these family problems. We are older. I am in my fifties and he is 64. The sex is amazing. I am a divorcee after 27 years and i fell into this right when the divorce ended. I can not see him clearly. some of me sees a guy who is basically good but flawed. another part of me is angry and resentful and wonder if he is "playing" me with lines. No matter what I do he keeps coming back. I need the attention and touch i guess. i have dated several other men and feel that maybe i should try and move on. it's so painful to give this up. Any sharing is greatly appreciated.

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Well, I'm an idiot.
After a week of NC I picked up the phone when it rang. I was running and my cell went off and I didn't look first to see who it was.
It was nice to hear, oh I miss you....
He's about to lose his cake and will say anything to get it back. Keep those thoughts of yours in the forefront.
>> we fight all the time, you won't leave your W and even if you did there is no guarantee that you would want just me. He claims no. but he is always elusive about leaving his wife. He seems selfish. he wants his lifestyle and me too. she makes the money now, his business is not doing well. he calimes that he can't leave her because at his age he would be financially devastated.I desperately want to stand strong and get away from this guy.
You don't need this MM in your life and will be so much happier once he's out of the picture. Just take the advice of those who've BTDT and reread this thread. They all say we'll survive and thrive once we are no longer involved in an affair and we should listen and keep listening so that we stay strong. Put your armor on PE and say NO MORE.
hugs,
NewDawn
No memory of having starred atones for later disregard, or keeps the end from being hard. - Robert Frost
Edited 11/15/2009 5:05 pm ET by newdawn4mlk
Hi,
Just want to say a big thanks for the encouraging word. I still really need it to stand strong.
It's been almost 2 weeks and no getting together. He tried to meet me today and I said, you don't need me. you have others who love you. you have a W. he said, i only want to sleep with one.
Again, my value is to be someone he can sleep with. i hear all the time about i'm the best L he ever had. is that a line? anyway. iti's not gonna happen. this site has helped me so much to stand strong and i just want to give all of you hugs who have helped me so much. it really is an addiction and you need friends to stay with it. it is getting easier though. i am so glad. at first it really hurt. i hope as time goes by I can really see the whole thing clearly. i've learned my lesson, no more A. they are so destructive for all of us.
You're welcome and congratulations for standing tough for two weeks.
He really said you're the best lay he's ever had? That you're the only one he wants to "sleep" with? What a charmer!!! I guess that's supposed to make you rush into his arms. Well, at least he's being honest...he wants you for s3x. How does that make you feel? I'm hoping angry and ready to say goodbye to him forever. I understand though that what we thought we felt for them dies hard. It takes awhile for us to see clearly what the relationship really was.
I haven't had any contact for about a week and a half although we'd been ending it for 3 weeks previous. The little discoveries of being cut from his life are difficult to take even though I understand it completely. I haven't written my story yet because I want to make certain that this ending sticks, as we've had many stops and restarts. This is the place to be though for support from others who have walked the road before us and know what we are facing. Keep reading here and reach out as often as necessary to keep yourself on target.
hugs,
NewDawn
No memory of having starred atones for later disregard, or keeps the end from being hard. - Robert Frost
Your xAP sounds like mine! he is also telling me "with you the sex is the best ever blah blah blah". And he has the nerve to get mad at me when I suggest that it is all about sex for him!!!
Hey
I do thnk that they must read from the same play book.
With my guy I think he really does not get that the S is able to stand alone and that's what we both need. From the beginning he said after my divorce, "people don't talk about it but they need to have sex again". Keep in mind this is my lawyer talking. I was very needy. He knew it. it's hard for me to see him as almost a predator, but i think really he is a guy who is just selfish. He's got his own issues, and we were a train wreck waiting to happen. I put him off for a very long time, but was very scared after the Divorce and lonely. I don't understand anyone who can just keep S with someone else out of the Marriage they're in. I don't think we as women can. It gets messy. I have been very wrong for so long. the guilt and the frustration with the type of relationship it has been has worn me down. i have dated through this too. never slep t with any of them. there's something about the time with this man that was filling needs. i have been naive during all this about men. i was married for so long to one man that i am kind of a sucker for what they tell me. I have learned my lessonthough.
once again, only through this site could i have followed through. i hope i never hear from him again. good luck to all of us. it's a rough ride.
Hi,
END it, Quick!!
I put up with that for years. It wore me down and made me feel bad about myself. it is their way to keep you in it. It's a lie, don't believe it. we want to be wanted so badly attimes we will believe anything,.
If I could take back my 4 years I would. Whereever you're at, see it for what it is. He is using you and playing with your head and heart.
Read the other threads here. it is so helpful.
Hi pe012006,
I have ended the A. However, he is my neighbor and he keeps coming by when
a) he is bored
b) he has nothing else to do
c) he has no one else to talk to.
And when he is in THE mood, he tries to get sex out of me.
But no way I'll ever do that again with such a creep. I never believe
him when he says "I love you" or anything. It's just another way of him to try to get what he wants.
actions speak louder than words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hugs
htgo
Wow that's tough.
I guess you've thought ab out and maybe can't:move, tell someone, etc.
I know that i can't do either. he isn't dangerous is he?
for me, i am dangerous to myself. i am the one who will give in easily, that's why i'm on here.
i wish i could help.
take care, write if you like. this is such a struggle isn't it? it meets certain emotional needs as well. that's why i think it is so addictive. we all want to be wanted, right?
Hmmm... I just wrote you a reply but all of a sudden it disappeared! Strange!
Like you, it's hard for me to not give in. Especially when the xAP is doing his best to be nice. But my xAP is one day cold, the other day nice. I don't even want to see him anymore, I wish I could move but we don't have the money for it right now :(
I think what you wrote is true.. I think we all want to feel desired :(
I don't think the xaP is dangerous, but he puts a lot of pressure on me sometimes regarding the sex. I told him numerous times now I won't do it again, but when he is in a "warm" (read: horny) mood, he will say anything to get me to do it. But I resist him.
Where did you meet your xAP? You do not have to see him anymore, right?
hugs
htgo
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