To call or not
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To call or not
| Tue, 01-04-2005 - 12:53pm |
My A is over. It is weird but it was like I lived in a bubble for awhile and it has popped and now I feel so stupid about the A. Anyway I have been in NC now and am doing fairly well. I have so many questions I would like xMM to answer and I know if I called him he would answer them and I think it would give me some closure, but do I want to do that?
I am not going to go back to him, I really just want to know the answers.

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If you're anything like me, those questions will drive you crazy for a very long time unless you get them answered. I wouldn't recommend calling though. Is there a way to send him a private email or something? If it is at all risky that way, don't do it. Call if that's the only way, but you will need to get answers.
I've sent numerous emails to my XOM during our breaking up process, to vent, to reiterate my viewpoint on everything, and to ask questions. Each time I did it, I felt better, and swore to myself it would be the last letter. But I ended up writing another one just last week, because of a phone conversation with him that left me angry all over again.
I'm just concerned that talking over the phone might make it more difficult..he may express sadness or some other emotion that stings you right in the heart. You don't want to go back to stage I of the healing process again.
This sounds like my situation. I am baffled how a week ago OM was praising his love for me, offering me support in any way as a friend and all of a sudden started getting a bit abrupt by the end of last week. After calling and calling, he never returned my calls. I did get in touch with him sunday, but still the same attitude from him. I did send him an email, but not sure if he would write back. I feel after all the calls over the weekend to wish him a happy new year (he has caller id and saw all my hangups when he wasn't home or didn't answer) that I called enough. OM is single, not married. He did get out of a 6 month relationship a couple of months ago and I am wondering if suddenly they reconciled. It hurts very bad to not know and wonder
I totally understand your feelings with closure. If this is going to bother you, maybe you will have to contact him for an explanation of a few things. But like the other post said, it might make it worse talking. It may stir up feelings and bring you right back to where you were.
You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.
C
Thanks for your replies. I wrote an email which I have not sent and it felt better just to write it down. I think I will wait until he calls me. I know he will whether it is soon or in a week. Then I will have a better grasp on my feelings.
I find I am logging onto this board with excitement to see if someone responds to my post like I used to when I would sign onto my email waiting for email from him. Thanks
HI,
one thing I have learned -
They will call
But
They feel better about talking when they are the one to call.......
It took xMM weeks to call, but then he started again.......calling and leaving messages.
brave it out.....write stuff down......and rewrite it.
ADP
Write as many e-mails as you like but I would suggest that you never send any of them, refuse phone or face to face meetings, affairs rarely have Closure most efforts to get it seem to lead either back into the affair or to even greater anger and frustration with the XAP.
Forget him and move on, you can't go foward looking backwords.
JMNSHO
Free
Hi everyone. I'm a lurker and now on my 3rd wk of NC. We ended on friendly terms, telling me to "keep in touch".
In fact, I really do care about him (friends, we do not love each other, just good friends). He has some serious guilt he needs to deal with where his 4 yr old daughter is concerned and I'm not mad for him ending it. I understand his reasons. I always hated that he had a child. We're both married but I don't have any kids.
Anyway, the thing is, I really do miss talking to him about anything and everything... I miss the friendship we had. I am really considering calling him to say HI and wish him a Happy New Year and see how he's doing. That's it. It's over and I've accepted that. I've really concentrated on improving things with my DH and it's been a really great 3 wks for us. But I really do miss the friendship aspect that I had with xMM.
What do I do?
Kat
"I've really concentrated on improving things with my DH and it's been a really great 3 wks for us"
Keep doing the above, maybe in time you can develop that sort of friendship with your husband so you can have it 24/7 risk free.
Free
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