Called Off!
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| Fri, 04-01-2005 - 8:41pm |
Folks,
wondering who'd like to support me tonight? Husband is out and my heart is in the s***tter!
Yep...I'm the girl who got involved for purely sexual reasons and has now broken it off today. Need some postive feedback on how I did the right thing:) My heart's getting involved and that's why it's over. Nobody has found out, nothing has happened to cause me to take action. Only his family came back from vacation and I figured after no contact for 2 weeks, he'd have me out of his headspace.
No such luck...it wasn't even 7am on monday morning when he epaged! We had our usual phone calls, emails,pages etc but today I decided to decline his invitation. I stated that I was a hard time distinguishing feelings from reality. Feelings that I had not anticipated. I know...Free...I said I could keep em separate. I thought I could then..bam...out of sight and NOT OUT OF MIND. I thought about him every minute of the day.
This is where I'm at. He thinks that we should get together at least one more time..just to cut the strings. He says we owe it to each other to have a nice long meeting (rather than the quick rendez-vous we've had lately). To this I've replied that 1 more encounter won't accomplish anything (other than the obvious). He says he just wants to touch me and know it's the last time. Also says it's not fair of me to have not discussed it with him to set and end date.
I've probably told him too much as far as I'm concerned. I like to play the ICEQUEEN and not seem like he's in my head. the only way I could try to reason with him was that I truthfully was having a hard time not letting him get to my heart!
Sad as this is going to sound....I think he might think it's an April Fool's day joke (I've traditionally pulled some doozies on him the last few years)! this decision wasn't talked about before he left so I think he feels I've pulled the rug out from underneath him. Since our first discussion of ending it, there have been several others where he keeps saying...OK, so I'll see you tomorrow:)
Help..I feel like I've broken off with a high school boyfriend. I feel sad for both of us which I suppose is expected for a little while.
JUST NOTICED HOW LONG OF A RANT THIS IS....WOW....I'm a pretty good typer!
Any advise? Knowing that I do like him, respect him & work with him...Am I being unfair?
INPUT????

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You have any kind of support I can give you. For us, we took a trip knowing it would be the last time. It wasn't and every time after that was painful. He was the one who wasn't going to fall for me. He had done this before and knew better then to let himself get hurt but he got attatched anyways. I fell for him and my heart was broken.
You can have one last time or not, it just delays the inevitable and every time prolongs the pain. Although it did make me feel better to think he really cared we talked about everything and it helped me get some closure. I still had a rough few weeks he started nc on February 17 and I saw him yesterday (at a work function) and I didn't even want to call him. He was nice and considerate just a friend. I thought of calling but not seriously, didn't want to go through that again. Maybe it helped I don't know. You have to do what seems right to you. What is it you want in your life? How does this relate?
Hellsie
I will avoid saying I TOLD YOU SO, that would be unkind. (but then again no one ever believes it until they have been burned)
UNFAIR no I don't think so after all this was only a SEXUAL AFFAIR there were no great plans made for the future ETC... so there were no intitlements going either way, you want out you have that right and if he is this GREAT GUY then he will respect your wishs or genuinely cares about you he will put his own lust a side and make it easy on you.
While ICE QUEEN lets see if you can freeze him out, any bets ?
Free
hellsie,
its always like that, first its just sexual, but we are human so we feel some emotions, without emotions we are just like the rest of the creatures in the animal kingdom
now the heart is involve, u now have to do what u think is right for yourself, not for him, it will be hard and our judgement will be clouded by our emotion, im applaud u for not meeting him for the last time, he just want sex for sure
u work with him also, no contact wont work for u but try to stay away and find out more what is wrong with u and why u want to engage in this particular behavior
take care,
amx
Folks,
Thanks for the advise. All meaningful and sincere!
Free...If I were a betting girl I'd take that bet! I didn't cave today. Not that I don't deserve the "I TOLD YOU SO" but in all reality I'm only STARTING to feel..that's why I'm getting out:)
We talked at length about it today. It was quite interesting. We discussed the "last meeting" is purely for closure on his behalf. He says he'd hate for the last memory to have been of a "speedy, unintimate session". While I agree, I'm still of the opinion that ending things with an ultra powerful session isn't going to help end things; only make it harder. He claims to think that having and "end date" is needed but he thinks we should agree when it ends.
Either way, he's not upset, or so he says. He's dissappointed & sad that the last memory of our time together was a 30 minute romp.
Good news...........we didn't meet today:) I actually surprised myself:) I fed my loss with shoe shopping!
Fix my need....an uninterested husband who's unable to understand my need for intimacy is difficult to do:) The saying goes............you made your bed...lay in it:)
Thank again...I'll keep you all informed in case I fall off the wagon.
Speaking of which...Max how are things going?
hi hellsie,
in case u fall of the wagon, get up and jump in again, im doing fine, i actually have a date later today, maybe go out and eat and watch a movie, tomorrow i have another date, blind date :)
other than that OW is still on my mind even on these dates but its getting better, it is an addiction on my part, i know it, just need to get her off my system
hey, shopping works for me also, i just got done watering my plants, my jasmine are on bloom and they smell good
try to get the uninteresing H interested again, im sure u can still do it !! ;)
take care, r u in the bay area ?
max
Max,
good to hear that you're moving on...I was worried for a bit there!
one thing about my shopping...I don't actually buy..just browse:) It's cheaper!
hubby isn't interested...I still find him sexy & attractive; nothing works for him. I know he's still able...it's the once a month frequency that I'm not too keen on! A girls gotta feel special ya' know! I try all kinds of things...that's for another board I guess.
No chance in H&LL that I'm near the bay area. I'm assuming that's San Fran? I'm up in the Great White North...Canadian neighbour! Ain't nothin' blooming yet but with the amount of rain we're expecting, certainly it would feed your gardening addiction. It's also a good place for a shoe-a-holic....4 seasons means 4 different kinds of footwear:)
Have Fun Tonight.
Thanks
<<>>
WOO HOO!! ATA GIRL!! BRAVO and KUDOS to you. Did you buy any good "SEE YA" shoes? or those made for walking boots? ;)
Those last get-togethers make for good book reading and movie endings, but honey, in real life they SUCK. Literally, I mean. They suck your approaching resolve dry and then you have to start building it up all over again.
I am proud of you.
Id
Edited 4/2/2005 5:42 pm ET ET by id_diosyncrity
it's tough call and this is the first time with NC!
your story will probably relate to mine if not mirror it (at least from what I read on these boards)..I hope I'm strong enough to decline..all the time!
We don't (well up to today) talk about our feelings; we decided it would happen once & get it out of our system. So I guess it's similar...
Neither one of us is "in love" or anything. neither of us is leaving W/H. Both of us are getting what we're missing. Not sure what he's missing if anything. With him it's just another encounter as is the popular theme with men. For me...lookin' for the affection & I/C I don't get at home. He's trusting (I DO SEE THE IRONY) and I'd like to believe he'll want to end it too. He says it's his first affair. I don't pry cause frankly...it doesn't matter:)
Appreciate your support and words. Did he call you?
Hell
I didn't say I told you so I am far far to poilte for that HA, but KUDOS on knowing when to bail, stick to it the first time because ending it 5 or 6 times just makes it that much harder each time you end it and go back you seem to end up deeper emotionally.
Maybe hubby needs to have his hormone levels checked guys have that sort of problem sometimes and they don't even know it.
SHOPPING my credit card is still in shock from my last trip to the mall, good Brazilian shoes are just so expensive and two pairs are even worse, hubby found out so know I have to order another card can you say snip snip. :-(.
Free
No he did not call but it didn't matter and honestly I wasn't disappointed. I considereed calling but why? I am going to training. More time to work on myself without distractions. I got into A for the same reason H not too interested. XMM was meeting my needs doubt if he has unmet needs hence his constant guilt. We both have kids so no plans to ever leave M. I was just so naive I didn't have any idea I would end up getting so attatched or that this whole thing would be so painful. I had always been such a "good girl". Now I feel a lot more human and humble. H is having health problems. So it has been months and there is just something so nice about ic with a willing partner. Especially when my H is a handsome man that I still desire. My biggest challenge is feeling attractive when H is not interested.
Shoe shopping really works, just two days ago I got a really cute pair of shoes, I don't know how long it had been since I went shoe shopping and it was a blast!
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