Calling all newbies and lurkers...
Find a Conversation
Calling all newbies and lurkers...
| Sat, 05-22-2010 - 8:57am |
I've seen a couple new names post this last week, so
| Sat, 05-22-2010 - 8:57am |
I've seen a couple new names post this last week, so
Hi. Newbie here. A few weeks ago I started an EA with my childhood sweetheart. He is S and has not changed much. Wild and Free. We started flirting online and then I went to his house. Mostly we have "petted" like we did when we were younger. He says the sweetest things and makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He swings from "Keep it all in perspective sweetie" to "I love you and never want you out of my life again". I started on MAS board and then read D-Day stories. Mentally I knew this can not end well if I go forward. Someone if not everyone will get hurt. The D day stories made it real. Then I realized he is S with a lot of partners and can not trust he is healthy. I made a decision this morning (after I visited him) that I am going to end it but I have not told him yet. I want him to find a S girl who will give him everything I have and I do not want to loose what I have at home. So I will continue to lurk and learn and take steps to get my life back.
Welcome, Julia, and thanks for stepping out of lurkdom to introduce yourself. You know, sometimes we don't have to tell an AP that we are done and many will tell you this on this board, but for those who just end without a word, they usually come back and ask us if sending just one email to officially end it would be okay. Then they are jumped on for breaking NC. Go figure...so here's my take on this. Let him know. When you are absolutely positive that you cannot continue this charade (and that is what an A is, honey), let him know. A brief email or txt msg stating you cannot do this anymore will suffice. It will help to close a door that never should have been opened. He may want to know why, and this is when we suggest that you do not respond to him any further. This is when "Silence is heard." There is no "WHY" because an A defies questions and answers. There really aren't any justifying reasons to start them so having to explain why you want it over is a waste of breath.
If, and only if, you can honestly say that you can end this now without a word to him, then
~Iddy~
Welcome, Julia!
You wrote: "Mentally I knew this can not end well if I go forward. Someone if not everyone will get hurt." This were my exact thoughts before I - not without some mental struggle - decided to go from an EA to a PA. Unfortunately, I didn't hear myself. If I could give an advice to that me from ten months ago I would say this: trust your good senses, and RUN!
My xAP also said to me "I want you in my life, always". And then he dumped me and didn't even try to talk me out of leaving his life for good. Which I am now thankful for.
Julia, just run and never look back! xAP too reminded me of my childhood, as we came from the same neighborhood we grew up in. But we are adults now and we have other people in our lives that deserve so much more than divided attention. Let your past be your past. You're both not the same people you were then, and an A is a relationship with no legitimacy and no future. Trust your own thoughts: this cannot end well. Someone will get hurt. Most certainly, you.
((Hugs)) and much strength to your journey,
Pru
thank your lucky stars you came to your senses before it went any further. Every time you violate your core self, every time you lie or compromise your values, it gets EASIER. I nearly fainted from stress the first time xAP and I crossed 'the line' -- then, it got to be like second nature. Gross.
I'm really glad you're here!
Best to you,
Dee
Welcome all newbies!
We are so glad that you have found us - and I do hope you will stick around, read all that you can, and post as much as you need to. We have all been where you are at - and we are all committed to assisting each other through the dark and scary ending process.
The good news is, the light is not too far down the path! If you stick to NC, soon you will start to see your way more clearly, and when you get tripped up, you'll come here and we will guide you to safer ground.
((Hugs))
TU.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Dee,
I never thought about it like that...it did get easier. I felt so sick the first time. I literally was shaking the first time. I was hysterical. I knew now and I felt so disgusted with myself. Then it got easier. It was so weird looking back. Then it got easier. I felt worse but the act become so easy. Addiction...
Oh and response to your thread about the cyber contact you recently had. You are right about burning our hands as being so months ago. I get what you said about no forethought. Sometimes we do not protect ourselves like we normally would. For whatever reason, something gets the best of us.
I think it shows that we are all human and do things like this, even as far out as we are. We are not robots Dee...sometimes we get so caught up in NC and it's good and it works and all but that does not make us superhuman. Even us tweeners mess up. Hell there are people on the board who are further out than you and I and they still have a set back.
The events that led up to the email did not help. You had the email he sent you, then he sent you the earrings for your bday (i think it was earrings). I mean, you had a lot coming at ya...so it was understandable. I ain't gonna say it was a smart thing to do, just asking you to not be so hard on yourself. Its been a couple of days, so I am sure you are better by now. I am just saying that you have to realize we all stumble. It could have been actual contact, another run in, a email. This was harmless...except for you of course. I mean he does not know about it. I guess that is why we have all done cyber contact...its not harmless, but at least they do not know we are doing it.
Disclaimer for other readers: DO NOT BREAK CONTACT, cyber or otherwise.
I wish you the best Dee, you have stayed here when others would have moved on and ya keeps it real and I have always respected that about you. U aint scared to say what you want to say, I feels ya for that.
Hope your H gets a hold of ya soon and that you handle the kids well in his absence.
Luvin
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Iddy,
Ah, Luvin-
thanks. when people are tender with me, I burst into tears. So, thanks for that!! Gosh darn it!
Liberty,
I agree with you about Iddy's new photo and i was going to say the same. Iddy, you are so lovely! Seeing your face means a lot to me. I see the beauty, inside and out.
xoxo
Dee
Dear Dee and Liberty,
Thank you for your kind words on my photo. This was nice to wake up to this morning because Mondays are such a cruel joke to those of us who still have to see XMM. Over the weekend I can decompress and just when I
~Iddy~