Calling all newbies and lurkers
Find a Conversation
Calling all newbies and lurkers
| Fri, 03-12-2010 - 7:45am |
Dear Enders,
Reading through the posts this morning I spotted a couple of lurkers that have come out of hiding. We would love to hear your stories and if you are not ready yet to post them, how about at least introducing yourself to the board.
For all the newbies,, I would like you to post in too. Tell us a little bit about yourself, your interests, if you are M or S, how many children you have , and how long you have been out of your A now.
TIA and ((hugs))

Pages
Since I am on day one...again, I feel like I really dont qualify as an advice giver but I feel like I need to respond to your comment about being unable to block the calls/text msgs.
I felt the same way you did..almost felt I owed it to xap to at least read his text even though I had asked him to stop contacting me multiple times.
Ok here is my story. MW with 3 kids. I have been married 22 years. DH had 5 affairs. Last one was 10 years ago. He has always been controlling and manipulative. Met a SM in July. Great looking, sexy and feel for him immediately. I was neglected and emotionally starved. Although I had taken DH back after his affairs he never truly met my needs for affection, attention etc. I always judged other women that had been in affairs and never would have thought I would have been one of those women. I went on my first girls trip to a casino in MS in July and met my single AP not thinking anything would ever happen between us. He told me all the things I was not getting from DH such as you are so beautiful, sexy etc. We started texting immediately. He texted me about 200 times a day and I responded to every one. Two weeks later I met him at the casino in MS that I first met him at knowing as I was driving we would sleep together. We were together a whole hour and a half and I left feeling empty and used. But, he continued to text and making me feel sexy and alive. I felt like I had never felt before. I felt sexy, wanted, desirable. Long story short, as of March 8 we have been seeing each other for 8 months. I feel for him hard. I loved him. I thought he was everything I wanted. DH found out in Aug. I told him I would stop seeing AP but could not stop. I even found out through facebook he was involved with other women but stil could not stop. DH had enough and moved out Jan. AP told me a few weeks ago that what we have had was not a relationship but strictly sex once a month or so and I need to accept it for what it is. Every time I try to break it off he continues to send me the text saying I miss you etc. I just finished reading the book Surviving an Affair and recommend it to everyone. I am devastated by AP but realize he is not the one for me. He is involved with many women and like I have said in other posts he is very insecure and as much as I need him to text me...he needs me to respond to make him feel wanted. I had no contact as of 4 days ago and he messaged my 18 year old daughter on facebook. He even messaged me tonight to let me know he was in town (he lives 2 hours away I live in LA he lives in MS) stupid me responded. I want to move on with my life and I know as long as I have any contact with him I will never know what I truly want for my life. I am sorry this is so long but I am really good at giving others advice but have a hard time following my own. If I can give any advice it is NC!!!! Do not respond to the fishing!!! Block the number. Today I start over at day one and I hope and pray it gets better soon.
Good luck to you all :)
Hello ALL,
MY OH MY....I have underestimated the lurker and newbie kingdom...Welcome, all of you. Including our male counterparts. Thanks for posting and know that we are committed group of people (mostly us ladies-YES, ladies), who are supportive and giving. We do not always agree and we all have different ways of communicating...But there is more true kindness and support here than you could imagine...(if you have not noticed already). So stay a while and come here to make you your best self. I am a new-very new tweener. I only tell you that to say that it has not been long that I was in your shoes...So I can relate...as can the Vets around here. They are the backbone of EAS and I could not prouder to be in the midst of such wise women (dont know of any male vets). Sounds like a speech at some event...I know, but despite what brought us all here... I know I am amongst fine, good people, who cared about me when I cared little for myself. Who are STILL here months later, giving me a healthy outlet vs. the unhealthy A.
Whatever your story is...again, welcome.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Blessings to you,
Dee
I would like to thank all of the newbies/lurkers who have posted in on this thread. Now that you have taken the first step in introducing yourselves, please don't become a stranger. We'll be looking fwd to more posts from you where you can ask us anything you need to, vent whenever you want, join in and support others, and ask for help anytime you are struggling with NC and craving a fix from XAP. Someone is always here to talk you down, but we need to know that you are having a difficult day. We suggest that you come here first before you send that email or txt msg so the tweeners <3 months out already> and the the Vets , can get you through the temptation of making contact.
Again, it is great to meet all of you. We are a community that *knows* the pain of ending an A, yet we want nothing more than for you to become healthy and strong again. Affairs destroy the very core of who we are. This board offers the tools for rebuilding that core, , and hundreds of men/women have successfully put this destructive chapter in their lives behind them. Now it is up to you to become one of them.
Wishing you all peace and strength,
~Iddy~
Thank you...I appreciate it....I have wanted to share my story...always stopping myself because I felt since I got myself into this...I could get myself out of it...and I deserve to feel bad...and I don't want to put this on any friends and family...plus...I didn't want them to think bad of me..sad smile...I also thought it was so unique...that we were special in some way....and that nobody would possibly understand....but when I read that we aren't unique...that "someday" and "soon" appeared in everybody elses conversation....and my feeling like I was at her beck and call...always being the one to make concessions..always being the one to sit and wait....having to understand when she couldn't email...but having to explain myself when I couldn't....When I see these things in writing....and see that is just a pattern....was just a pattern....what an eye opener....
thank you again...your reply made me less unsure about reaching out...
Hi everyone, HR here :) Just thought I would put in my post too, as a newbie.
I'm M, had an A with a MM. We were family friends. The A only lasted about 6 months. I am slowly but surely making my way out.
Today is 11 days NC, the longest I have ever made it! :)
Hazel
Hi, Never,
Thanks for your reply x
I knew others
Hello all,
I wanted to chime in, as well, and re-introduce myself. I'm M with a young son, xAP is single, a decade younger. This madness has been going on/off/on for almost two years. He is a co-worker, which has probably made this thing drag on longer than it would have, otherwise (forced to see him). He's over it and has moved on to a couple other younger girls - one of who works in the building (soooo hard to overhear the coworker conversations)...I have yet to move on and let go. He fishes only when he needs an ego stroke, and unfortunantely, I have fallen way too many times for the pitiful crumbs.
I've been lurking for well over a year, and started posting about a month ago. I'm hanging on to sanity by a string, and taking it one minute at a time.
Even though I'm in full-blown withdrawal and oh-so-vunerable, I do realize it's not about him anymore. It's about me, my low self-esteem issues, abandonment issues, validation from others issues...and more. This board has really helped me realize that when the fantasy of the A is over, and we're left in the dust (fog), once it starts to clear, you have to be brave enough to face the real issues the A helped you escape from.
Hugs,
Misty
Pages