Calling all newbies and lurkers

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Calling all newbies and lurkers
36
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 7:45am

Dear Enders,


Reading through the posts this morning I spotted a couple of lurkers that have come out of hiding. We would love to hear your stories and if you are not ready yet to post them, how about at least introducing yourself to the board.


For all the newbies,, I would like you to post in too. Tell us a little bit about yourself, your interests, if you are M or S, how many children you have , and how long you have been out of your A now.


TIA and ((hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 9:41pm

Since until recently I had not posted for over six months and have been a long-time lurker, I will reintroduce myself. I am a MW over 20 years with three children. I had an A with a MM for 15 months. We were friends since childhood because of our families. We reconnected a few years ago at a funeral. At first it was just the friendship we had before but then of course it progressed. I've had three endings. The last time I made the decision to stop - that was November 10, 2009. The first couple of months there were tons of fishing attempts but then he gave up. I was doing great but

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 9:50pm

Hi! Silver Doe here. Just following orders :)

I have only been married for 2 years, no children. xMM is a coworker, also M (I think 6 years), one child. We were "together" for just over a year. See and hear each other all day every day.

Met at work, fell hard, things got much more serious than either of us anticipated (hey, we're not trying to reinvent the wheel here...).

I decided it had to end. So here I am, at just around 1 month NC (outside of work)/LC (during work).

Nice to meet/re-meet everyone :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 4:38am

"Even though I'm in full-blown withdrawal and oh-so-vunerable, I do realize it's not about him anymore. It's about me, my low self-esteem issues, abandonment issues, validation from others issues...and more. This board has really helped me realize that when the fantasy of the A is over, and we're left in the dust (fog), once it starts to clear, you have to be brave enough to face the real issues the A helped you escape from."


Misty, thank you for putting how I feel into words so perfectly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 4:50am
I have been lurking for over five years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 3:02am

Hello to all =D.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 7:24am

LW,


Welcome to our community and I hope you will stick around and offer the newbies your wisdom and advice. It takes going through rings of fire to experience the pain that comes with taking such risks.


<<

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 8:15pm

Liberty- thank you for posting that!!!! I could agree with so much of what you said.

I am MW, xap is MM and we are family friends. The A lasted 6 months, no DDAY, and I am on day 15 NC/LC.

When you talked about not spilling your stuff to your H, how that time period is going to be yours and that God has forgiven you- WOW! I needed to hear that. I have often wondered if I should tell H. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I will not. It will do no good and my motivation would be selfish in wanting to get rid of the guilt. I am a Christian, and I know God has forgiven me. I see the A as a lesson- I can never EVER judge anyone of anything ever again. Especially other women like me.

Also, I could agree SO much with what you said about your marriage. I got to the point where I didn't want to be married to H anymore, we were at a fork in the road and he knew I meant business. He knew I couldn't stay in the marriage like it was. And he too, has CHANGED! And it's only because of God that he has changed, and that our marriage is back on the right road. My H is a wonderful man, and I have learned so much about life and myself because of this A.

Thank you again for posting. Post more!!! :)
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:19am

Good day to all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 10:39pm
Greetings Everyone: As you all can probably relate, my story is long and complicated so I will give the condensed version. I'm not sure of all the abbreviations so please bear with me. I am a SW and was in an A with MM for almost 4 years. It started as a friendship and evolved into a physical/EA. He had always said he loved me dearly but couldn't leave his W because of his kids. But about 2 months ago, he told me that I reminded him of what it's supposed to be like, what he loves about me and us and if things don't change with his W that he was going to sit his kids down and explain why he had to leave. I guess in my heart I just didn't believe that he would ever leave her. So I ended it about a month ago. I want a real relationship and a child and the fear of wasting my life on this became too unbearable (my biological clock is ticking away). In my heart, I love and miss him terribly and I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish he'd get a D so we'd live happily ever after. But I also realize how much A consist of fantasy and the reality is what it is. Ending it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and I'm proud of myself for doing it. All I can do is try to heal and move on as best I can. This site is helping me more than I thought possible. Thanks so much for reading this. I wish the best for everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 10:54pm
Jimmy: I feel for you. But, I think if you were being totally honest with yourself, you'd realize the problems in your M go beyond a lack of sex. If you can't have a fulfilling, happy, healthy relationship with your W, why are you staying? I just don't understand.