Calling all newbies and lurkers

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Calling all newbies and lurkers
36
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 7:45am

Dear Enders,


Reading through the posts this morning I spotted a couple of lurkers that have come out of hiding. We would love to hear your stories and if you are not ready yet to post them, how about at least introducing yourself to the board.


For all the newbies,, I would like you to post in too. Tell us a little bit about yourself, your interests, if you are M or S, how many children you have , and how long you have been out of your A now.


TIA and ((hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:15am

Welcome, lovedream. A great big congratulations to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:51am

Welcome to the board, Lovedream. There aren't too many single OW's on here like there used to be, but I am one of them, so lean on me anytime you need to. My story is down in the Healing Library under "Place for Success Stories. Your A lasted almost as long as mine, and I still work with XMM. We have been out of our A for almost 6 years now, but I know deep in my heart that although I have healed from the A, I will never be completely past it all until I retire. I chose to stay because I am no spring chicken and Xmm was not going to be the reason I left.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 2:19pm
Hi Always: Yes, I am complete and total NC. I ended it in person on February 10. He called/texted a couple weeks later (fishing, I suppose). We had some texts back and forth over the next few days (there was a pregnancy scare...the irony) and the last one I sent on March 2 said "don't ever call or text me again". I insisted on NC...he of course said that he wanted to be able to call me once in a while because he just couldn't imagine not having me in his life or not talking to me because I know him better than anyone in the world, blah blah blah. Reading all the other stories on here it's just so cliche all the words, actions, etc. that are used. It certainly helps to know there are so many others out there going through what I'm going through. Endings are hard and it's in the discomfort/pain that we break down for something to alleviate the feeling. I almost cracked a few days ago but I rode out the moment. Thank you so much for responding and giving me encouragement. How are you doing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 2:29pm
Hi Iddy: Thank you for your kind words and I look forward to reading your story but I wanted to send this out to you first. What I've come to realize through my own experience and those of others is that each situation is different. I've known so many MM who have left their wives. They had the courage to walk away from an unhealthy, unhappy environment to try to achieve a better life for themselves and others. Others, (and I'll include my xAP here), operate out of fear (fear of change, fear of being viewed the bad guy, fear of altering their childrens lives, fear of really addressing the problems in their marriages...etc.) My xAP insisted for 3 years that he would NEVER get a D. His words only changed during the last year of our A. But I know in my heart that he lacks the courage to change. So I know his marriage will always be what it is and he will never leave it. You are brave and strong and you should be so proud of yourself for sticking in there to get what you rightly deserve. I applaud you. Happiness is a journey, not a destination but I believe one day we'll get there. I'm off to read your story and view the healing library now. Thanks again for reaching out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 5:59pm

Thaknks for reading my "story".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 7:18pm
Jimmy: I know that every situation is different and that we all come into things with our own opinions/feelings. My parents stayed together for the kids (they're still together actually) and I always resented it. I would've rather had 2 happy households than 1 dysfunctional household. I wanted my parents to be happy, together or not. Also, I had a 4 year affair with a married man who wouldn't leave because of his kids. While I felt for him in the beginning, his excuse grew tired because I know he just feared the change. New schedules, new routines, new house, etc. I ended it because my needs weren't being met. His situation is similar to yours I think (although his wife berates and demeans him). I started to lose respect for him (I lost respect for myself too). Change is hard and there's no way around it. But I also believe that there is a happy, healthy, fulfilling life for you out there. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

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