Came to the realization today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Came to the realization today...
5
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:26pm

I have been doing some reading in the Healing Library section today and I can't remember what post I was reading for sure but one of the things this post said was that the person who cares the least has the most control in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:28pm
So now that we are NC, I have taken back the control over this and my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:31pm

It is very true, and I think we all know it...or at least, I did.

The less control I thought I had, the more I tried to be smarter, prettier, cleverer, fitter, sweeter, lovelier...you know the drill. It was like, "Pick me! Pick me!"

I somehow bought into the ridiculous notion that the more patient and loving and compliant I was the sooner he'd realise what a catch I was and leave his W.

Which put ALL the power in the relationship squarely in his hands.

Urgh. How could I have done it? Did I not realise how flipping amazing I was, anyway? Regardless of him?

Sigh. Onwards and most definitely upwards. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:37pm
Yes and all I was doing was making him feel better about himself at my expense. Live and learn. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 5:38pm

Lol, so long as we do! Live and learn, I mean!:smileyvery-happy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:30pm

Great realization Livin :) Affairs create a tug of war power struggle unlike anything else. You are worth MUCH more than being someone's "fun". Remember that you have a choice and you are in control of your life.

Bodhi