Can anyone explain this behavior to me??
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| Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:48am |
Yesterday, just as I was about to leave work he called. He said he wanted to wish me a happy holidy. It was good to hear his voice. We talked about his job situation, I asked about his mother, and found out his neice was getting married today. I also, noticed the number that he was calling from was his "home" number. Where his W, and dd, lives. I didn't ask him about it. He volunteered to tell me that he was in the process of leasing a condo.
Anyway, I had to go for a treatment this morning. The facility was not to far from where ex-mm lives with his W, so I drive by their house. There his car sat in the drive way, just as big as day. I had expected that, but I was so angry. Yet, relieved to know that I'm doing the right thing.
He will never cut ties with his W. What kind of love is that? He wants to be married to her, but he can't be faithful to her. He's been cheating on her since the year they got married.
THEN!!!! how could she continue to put up with his crap. She has know of our affair for 11 years now. He's moved out of their home 4 time, but each time she just lets him come back. She never changes the locks. She knows that I call, she never one time has had her phone number changed. How can she continue to live like that? I want to tell here that there is so much more to life than hanging on to a dead marriage. He will never be faithful to her, he will never be faithful to me.......I wonder if he will ever be faithful to anyone.
I want to hear it from his mouth. I want to know why he has done this to me. Why he continues to lie about getting a divorce. Why he keeps running back home? What is it he wants? You can't just sit on the fence the rest of your life. But, I want him to tell me, why everytime he hits a bump in the road he runs home. This is so confusing to me. Why should I care what he does.
I wish I had an eraser, and could totally erase him from my mind, and my heart. I wish he was a total stranger to me. I wish I had never met him.
Secret

A dog barks because it is the nature of a dog to bark, XMM is no different then your average MUTT.
I doubt that there is much you could tell his wife she does not already know about the mutt, as for her maybe she just has pitty for him who knows.
Free
I ended things and it's been 6 weeks of NC. I was his OW for 2 1/2 years, not his first and not his last and yes, his W knows about all the women including me, has let him move in and out and nothing changes. My MM has been doing this the enitire time he's been with his W. (13+ yrs.)
I think some people stay in a dead marriage for what they believe to be the "right reasons" (kids, religion, moral upbringing, stability, financial, etc.) My point is this, you can't change the way someone else feels or thinks and if being committed to marriage is what the H and W have accepted as the right thing then they will be together no matter what happens.
I guess I look at it this way; you can love someone but they have to feel the same way about you in order for the relationship to be a happy healthy one. In my case, I do love my MM but I also love myself and I won't settle for being someone's second choice. I won't settle for a "dead relationship".
Sometimes, it's really hard. Sometimes, I want to "check up" on him (drive by his work or hangouts). Sometimes, I want to talk to him but I know I would just get pulled back into being his OW again. Sometimes, I'm angry and want an explanation from him for hurting me. I fight these urges a lot but avoidance and NC is the right thing. I am told this whole thing gets better with time.
Yes, I am hurt by the headgames my MM played with me, but I am also thankful for the things we've shared. I miss him at times, I am angry at times but mostly I am upset with myself for getting emotionally involved with a MM in the first place. In my case, I am slowly accepting that in his life, he is married for eternity and I am just one of many OW.
Take care and good luck with everything.
Kmbr
Your words mirrored my situation almost exactly... 2-1/2 year affair, and he has been with his wife for 13 years. Maybe we are talking about the same guy! What city are you in?!!! His wife now knows about me - I think he told her more than she needed to know, but not the whole truth - he moved out a while back but I know he's still over there a lot. Yes, it hurts - a LOT, but each day that goes by I realize this is not a healthy relationship for me to be in.
We talked recently and while it was great to hear his voice and one part of me still wants to be in contact with him, I am not sure for what! Do I really need this relationship in my life? I also realize I do not trust what he says anymore. He is probably telling the truth 80% of the time, but then his voice will change and... who knows whether it's true or not!
I know if I was married to him I would always wonder if he is having an emotional affair on the side... emailing, calling, flirting. Computers and cell phones make it so easy to have another relationship going. I think I'm hurt because I thought he was someone else, yet the evidence over the last few months shows a different person. I'm hurt because I was fooled big time.
Today I'm sad and tired, but over the weekend I stayed busy. Just have to keep plugging along and hope it gets better. I know he will call or email again. It's hard not to send a "thanks for your message" in response, but I really know I shouldn't.
Any words of wisdom here would be welcome.