Can anyone help me end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Can anyone help me end it?
4
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 8:28am
Hi -

I think I'm at the point where I am ready to stay strong and

end this. My MM and I have never had IC (he said he would never take it that far),

but we've done enough to make it wrong (I'm M too).

Anyway, we haven't seen each other in around 4 or 5 weeks. We work together,

but not in the same area so we don't run into each other often. Our contacts

are mainly EM.

We are supposed to meet today in the park - I'm sure he is expecting something

sexual. I just wanted to give him a birthday card as I just got back from vacation

and missed his bday last week.

Some friends of ours have just discovered their spouses were cheating on them

and the effects are devastating. I think it was the final 'sign' I needed

to get me out of this mess.

Should I still meet him today at the park and tell him that I can't do this -

or is it better if I tell him I can't go? I don't want to get his expectations up and then throw this bomb on him. And I'm thinking if I see him in such a private setting

then he may convince me otherwise. Of course part of me wants to kiss him just one last time.

Any advice? Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 11:29am
iv wrkngwm,

Well, it's good that you have gotten to the point that you know you want to end this....And talking from my experience, I couldn't do it face to face. Only because everytime I think of ending it, when I see my MM, I can't break it off. I am too in love with him. So I know when the day comes, that I will finally decide to break it off because we are both M, I will have to do it over email, as aweful as that sounds. I know I couldn't do it otherwise. So if you are sure you want to end this, and you think you may not be able to face to face, I would do it over email. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Maybe it will give me the courage to do the same!!!

sjnrr
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:40pm
hi sjnrr,

Well, I just saw him. We were supposed to meet and he asked what time. I told him I don’t think

I can go. Said I want to see him, but only to talk. He said that’s too bad, he was really looking forward to it. Then he said he can’t help it, I’m like an addiction (I think we all know that feeling).

So I wrote back ‘addictions aren’t good!’ And he said yes they are, especially when they make you

feel as good as you make me.

I had mentioned that I couldn’t sleep last night and he asked why. I asked him if we could talk (instead of em). He told me to come down to his office (I wanted a public place, but went anyway).

So he asked why I couldn’t sleep. I said because I can’t do this. He said he couldn’t sleep but for other reasons. I told him that some friends of friends just got caught in an affair and it’s horrible.

I was there right after she found out. I said I just can’t…. Said it’s really bad timing.

He said it’s ok, he understands. (Time will tell I guess – I told him before I couldn’t be alone with him and that didn’t work at all!)

I got the same feelings I always get when I’m alone with him. He makes me melt. At least we talked. I feel better. I want to be friends with him and he knows that. He told me not to worry.

I have to be really strong about this. And it’s hard!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 4:21am
I wish you well. The only way I could end things with MM is by phone. I could never manage it face to face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 8:56pm

If you begin to waver on your determination to end your clandestine contact with MM, please try to visualize what your husband's reaction would be if he walked in on you and xMM.


I hope that's enough fuel for you to get over the temptation to ever regress.


And inspiration to have frank discussions with your husband to address and resolve the issues you used in the first place to justify seeking relief outside of your marriage.


Your new-found inspiration to devote yourself to your marriage now needs actions to succeed.


I think you can do it.


cl-nre