can anyone relate
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can anyone relate
| Wed, 12-16-2009 - 4:11pm |
I have been reading the threads on this board for some time and it seems the vast majority of your xap's are jerks.
| Wed, 12-16-2009 - 4:11pm |
I have been reading the threads on this board for some time and it seems the vast majority of your xap's are jerks.
Hi Kmg,
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Not all are jerks. You may get that impression because when newbies come to the boards we vets. understand that it is health to purge out the negativity before healing can begin. Most don’t purge when xAP was not a jerk so you don’t read about those posts too often.
Here is a great post by Victory that talks about this very subject called “I May Get Flamed for This.”
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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hey KMG6,
I for one know that i am a smart, intelligent woman albeit emotional :) I would not have stayed in my A for 3 years if i wasnt convinced that he loved me. Did xap love me?? absolutely. He
E1,
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~Iddy~
This "ending thing" is truly so difficult but thinking about what a terrific man your xMM is will only make things worse. I too can truly say my xMM is a good man. He was the one that stopped our A at an EA and would not let it proceed to a PA. He also is the one who stays strong with every ending and respects the boundaries that I put up. I have been the one
Hi kmg6,
I can relate too to your post. My xAP sounds similar to yours he never hurt me, he was always there for me, he absolutely never berated or belittled me, he never pushed me sexually (we never had sex), he always treated me with respect, and I know that he truly felt that loved me. However, it was still a fantasy. We did not live in the real world having to deal with life's issues day in and day out. We didn't have to deal with money, or ex's, or step-children, or even cleaning the house, or running the kids around. That is why it was so hard for me too because of the way he treated me and that he was good to me. But, the fact remains he is married and I am married and what I was doing was completely wrong and it wasn't real life.
It was hard for me to maintain NC and it was hard for him initially as well. I always wanted to know that he still cared about me and that he was ok. Truthfully though, I realized that he showed me the most respect and the most caring and understanding when he stopped trying to contact me. He let me go to figure out my life. I realize that now and that is also one of the reasons that I try my hardest to maintain NC for both of us.
Take care