Can this be the end? Day 2 of NC - MM really needs your help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Can this be the end? Day 2 of NC - MM really needs your help
29
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 2:35pm

Hi everyone and after spending quite a few weeks reading both MAS, EAS and touching on a few topics in the Healing area I've decided to introduce myself, especially as it's now such a painful time.

I've been in an A since

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

What an unbelievable response from everyone, I really am amazed with the support offered by

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Great post...u will soon realize that this is the most amazing place to be. We are the best friends n biggest supporters you may never meet ;)

Post, post, post and read, read, read...

U will find that the emotions will be up n down n all around, we will help you settle...

Stay the course, you will be so proud. Promise.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sorry to be late to welcome you - but welcome.

I am so happy that you've received the welcome you deserve from the amazing members of this community - it was lovely too to see some old faces pop in to offer their wisdom.

The only thing that I would like to add is this: If you care about her, if you want her to be okay, to move on with her life, to free herself from the awful that is the affair, then COMMIT to NEVER intruding into her life again, and/or to never responding if she attempts to contact you.

NC is the ONLY way now to show care, love, respect for her as a person, for your W, and for yourself.

My xAP continued to try and check in to see if I was "okay" and each and every time he did so, he made my journey worse, and I resented the CRAP outta him for assuming I couldn't possibly move on and be happy without him - that I didn't have the strength to do what he was clearly unable & unwilling to do. END THE AFFAIR.

I mean really, what does seeing if she is okay accomplish? What does it change? NOTHING.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Yeap, I second what TU says. I hated NC to start with, but I am now so very grateful that my xAP has had the good grace to step away and leave me to move on with my life (after his first three or four fishing attempts were met with a wall of silence). To use Lolly's analogy, a wound will never heal if you keep pick, pick, picking at it. Healing can only start when you leave that wound alone.

I wanted things to be ended together too, but in the end one someone has to step up and be strong.

Check in again soon NewMan, and let us know how you're doing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

This morning is worse than ever. After dropping my son off at school the feelings of not seeing her were overwhelming. I drove nearby to her shop with the intention of walking in and saying... something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
NewMan, NC is just like a muscle that we haven't exercised in a long time. To start with, it hurts to use it so we feel like giving up. But every time you resist the urge to contact her that muscle gets stronger and stronger until eventually it just becomes second nature to maintain the dignity of silence.

You are doing the right thing for you, for your son, for your M and for your xAP. Hang in there.

Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

NM,

Each time your resist that urge to make contact is taking one more step away from the magnetic pull that has such a strong hold on us. You also start to feel more confident within yourself that you had the strength to resist. We need to find courage at these moments and I heard the following line in a movie this weekend that really resonated with me:

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

Wow NM-- YOU DID IT

You felt that pull- and the pull is tremendously powerful. I havent always been as strong as you were in early days- but you are right to resist it! It is DEFINATLY not worth it. As you said- what can you possibly gain from it. The A is always going to end! It is always going to hurt when it ends! And continuing it will only cause pain, frustration and anguish.

By remaining strong and not walking in there- you avoided that gutwrenching feeling that you have no control over your addiction. You showed yourself that you HAVE the power to feel that urge AND walk away from it. Sure you may have had to peel yourself from it (I know that feeling well) but you did it!!!

Kat is dead right- NC is a muscle. Exercise it and it will get easier:)

Iggy

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011

Congratulations for not breaking contact! You took yet another step in the right direction. One step at a time Newman. One step at a time. There will be "peaks" and "valleys" throughout this journey of healing and discovery that we're all now on, but remember, one foot in front of the other. No contact =

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011

Oh what have I done...and you all thought I was doing well. :smileysad: Before I came back onto this board I went for my bike ride.