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Can I come back?
| Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am |
I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.
| Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am |
I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.
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I agree with Always and many others. Welcome back. Many of us have been where you are and now it's time for self honesty. Take heart - YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Thank you SO much for posting it to me originally -- sorry I forgot!
"Free of the fool"....that's how I feel.
Those articles and awareness have helped me immensely - with a big shout out to my "sponsor" - to see many things.
I've also learned a great deal about his sexual dysfunction and what role I played in that as well.
Part of my healing is to pay it forward - I'd love to share what I've learned in case there are lurkers or anyone else who has been involved with a man with this type of issue.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Your T is correct. This has been discussed many times on the board although with the new format, it's a pain researching old posts and topics.
It took me almost 2 years to reach indifference because I still saw him 5 days a week. For those of you in total NC, just over a year is average. Some get there quicker, but most have to get through all of the anniversaries because those days cause huge triggers and emotional setbacks. The brain wants to forget but the heart won't let it. :smileysad:
Sorry, but the good news is that your T knows what he's talking about.
((Hugs))
There is no set in stone schedule for healing and indifference - some it takes years - way beyond 13 months and for some, it's just a matter of ridding the old habits and adopting new -
That being said - indifference comes when you have worked out the personal issues that led you to your A, which in transition can bring up other problems and changes too. There is a level of acceptance (or indifference) that occurs once you grow and fill those voids yourself.
Part of achieving indifference is changing mentality which is much harder than it seems - just like the first few weeks when that "fog" lifts, there is a continuation of lessening the toxic thoughts and feelings and habits as you rebuild with healthier ones.
It will come.
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Lolly, this gives me great hope because during the first days of NC, i didn't believe the pain would lessen, but it HAS!!!!!!
Decades -Yes, I read a post in the HL that it will take a MINIMUM of 1 year and I was VERY discouraged to read that as well.
But, I BELIEVE I will reach that "indifference" point.
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