Can I come back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Can I come back?
44
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am

I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 11:26pm

I agree with Always and many others. Welcome back. Many of us have been where you are and now it's time for self honesty. Take heart - YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 5:57am
it was me that posted it....I posted the contents, not the link. Either way, it does not matter, its up and it is so good to read and understand. It got me thru the worst of days. I realized that his actions and behaviors were not what defined me. This article is so true. Really good stuff. I am happy you posted the link. I wish I knew who orginally posted over a year ago. I would thank them.....this was the best stuff. So many A's havers are like this....my exAP fit this description. EVERY word and sentence. I wanted to send it to him so badly....during those first few months. Would have fallen on deaf ears....so it would have been a total waste of time, not to mention, he would know it was me and it would have been me breaking contact. I am happy that I have now bowed out gracefully, well sort of....as much as one could. I am so happy to be free of that fool and you will too, just give it some time....its all we got anyway....time, time to rebuild.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 7:55am

Thank you SO much for posting it to me originally -- sorry I forgot!

"Free of the fool"....that's how I feel.

Those articles and awareness have helped me immensely - with a big shout out to my "sponsor" - to see many things.

I've also learned a great deal about his sexual dysfunction and what role I played in that as well.

Part of my healing is to pay it forward - I'd love to share what I've learned in case there are lurkers or anyone else who has been involved with a man with this type of issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 8:53am
I realized this was not personal to me. He would have done it to anyone. He is flawed...I was a victim, but only to a certain extent. I gave him all my power. But I took it back...the article made me not take things so personally. And now I pity him and all his dysfunction...well I used to, now I really do not give a damn. He will wind up the news some day, going to hurt the wrong person and who knows what will happen to him.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 9:38am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 9:47am
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 11:38am

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 11:46am

Your T is correct. This has been discussed many times on the board although with the new format, it's a pain researching old posts and topics.

It took me almost 2 years to reach indifference because I still saw him 5 days a week. For those of you in total NC, just over a year is average. Some get there quicker, but most have to get through all of the anniversaries because those days cause huge triggers and emotional setbacks. The brain wants to forget but the heart won't let it. :smileysad:

Sorry, but the good news is that your T knows what he's talking about.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 11:49am
DL -
There is no set in stone schedule for healing and indifference - some it takes years - way beyond 13 months and for some, it's just a matter of ridding the old habits and adopting new -

That being said - indifference comes when you have worked out the personal issues that led you to your A, which in transition can bring up other problems and changes too. There is a level of acceptance (or indifference) that occurs once you grow and fill those voids yourself.

Part of achieving indifference is changing mentality which is much harder than it seems - just like the first few weeks when that "fog" lifts, there is a continuation of lessening the toxic thoughts and feelings and habits as you rebuild with healthier ones.

It will come.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 12:23pm
just like the first few weeks when that "fog" lifts, there is a continuation of lessening the toxic thoughts and feelings and habits as you rebuild with healthier ones.
______________________________________________

Lolly, this gives me great hope because during the first days of NC, i didn't believe the pain would lessen, but it HAS!!!!!!

Decades -Yes, I read a post in the HL that it will take a MINIMUM of 1 year and I was VERY discouraged to read that as well.

But, I BELIEVE I will reach that "indifference" point.